Help me to deal with my birthday

[turnaroundbrighton]

It’s my birthday this week and I really hate my birthday anyway for a variety of reasons but it always triggers a load of stress and upset for me.

This year has been fucking awful with my teens and I’ve decided not to celebrate with them at all. Reason being they were fucking awful over Mother’s Day and I cba wasting money on a birthday lunch for them to be rude to me again.

I’ve deactivated my Facebook so I don’t get any birthday wishes from people, and also mainly because my 16 year old who recently buggered off to live with her Dad after her returned from doing no parenting for 2 years did a happy birthday to my amazing Dad post for his birthday with loads of photos and I know she won’t do the same for me, so I’ve turned off the means for me to be upset by it.

Im supposed to be going out with my lovely DP for dinner but I don’t feel even like doing that. He’s had a really stressful week, it feels like a waste of money on a day I hate anyway and we’ve been arguing a lot recently (mostly about my teenagers) and I think I’d rather have a takeaway and watch the new release of Ted Lasso.

can anyone think of any way to pass the time tomorrow while I wait for DP to finish work? I’m on annual leave and had planned to go to lunch with the kids but for the aforementioned reasons that’s off now.

Maybe I should have posted this as AIBU to cancel birthday plans as I do feel a bit guilty about cancelling on the kids.

Your teenagers sound a handful to say the least your 16 year old "celebrating her dad" is just her trying to connect with him just let her get on with it, it is your birthday not theirs or even your partners if you want a takeaway and watch Ted Lasso do that, no guilt required.

Id probably go out mooch about the shops if that is your thing take your self for lunch. Or is there a film at the cinema you fancy.

Thank you.

They run telling tales to their Dad about everything I do and he laps it up.

I guess I’m just waiting for this to be repackaged as another example of what a terrible human being I am, but you’re right it’s my birthday not theirs.

Thank you I thought about Odyssey but I’m not sure if it will be a bit intense for the mood I’m in.

I am sure you are not horrible, the teens sound exhausting and disrespectful just by the little you have said about them.

They and their Dad are all (diagnosed) autistic and all struggle with empathy. It’s a battle I’ve given up on now tbh.

The holidays will be tough then, go out for the afternoon just take some time for yourself.

I'd actually tell them they aren't invited. Not too young to know about the repercussions of being rude...
My dd 20 is autistic and I do point out to her when her tone is unacceptable towards me.

I do tell them about their tone but it’s water off a ducks back.

They are 16 and 18 and their Dad encourages and enables their rudeness. I’m fucked and feel constantly bullied and any attempt to point out their behaviour will result in them running crying to their Dad and him saying there there, she’s a bitch.

Honestly I’ve had enough of them. The 18 year old went crying to him that I’m neglectful.

The reason? I didn’t pull 600 quid out of my arse to replace the oven and just bought a counter top air fryer oven as it was cheaper. Neglect apparently.

Oh and I won’t drive her after 8pm in winter as I can’t see very well in the dark.

Also neglect.

As confirmed by their father.

Ive had enough of them all.

Can they both go and live with him , you need a break by the sound of it, i mean you know you what their dad is like but it doesn't sound like you have any energy to deal with it,

You know the airfryer just works as well as the oven, it isn't neglectful you know this.

At 14 my is chose living with his df full time. Left them to it.
Ds lasted a year.

Came home and didn't see his df for a few years at all.

Enjoy the break op and wave the buggers off.

You dont need anyone else to celebrate you, just yourself. One of my best birthdays ever was one I spent on my own - slept in late, went for a facial and then a long leisurely lunch at a place no one else wanted to go with me. Then home to veg on the couch and watch travel programmes on Youtube...it was sublime and indulgent and deeply relxing. Enjoy your day - this is your chance to BE SELFISH dont waste it, ite deeply empowering!

Just read some.of.your replies !!.
Fuck em go and tell them.to.move in with dad if he's so great and get yourself some peace your 18 year old is a grown up and needs to grow up !
Op do what YOU want to do and stop worrying about anyone who is making your life hard life is short bdays.can be nice if U do what u want
Happy birthday 🎂 x

Thank you all, some really helpful replies. I’m going to go out for brunch with the dog 🙂

He abandoned them so they are seeking his approval.

However YANBU to want to protect yourself from that.

Can you catch a train into a city nearby and have a mooch around independent shops and have a coffee?

Then home for a long bath, nice PJs, take away and Ted Lasso with DP.

A day off, Ted Lasso and a takeaway sounds like an excellent birthday. Best wishes. Teens are thoughtless at the best of times.

You have my sympathies. Lots of autism with me and my lot too. In your shoes I’d say bugger the lot of em and do your own thing. You certainly don’t owe them a dinner if they being gits at the moment.

let them run to their dad - their choice and their echo chamber to hang out in. Not much you can do about that other than remember if you’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t you may well suit yourself. Best way to stay sane. Solidarity. Been there done that. My offspring is now much more appreciative in his 30’s than he was at 18 and doesn’t see his dad much now. They take a bit longer to grow up and you have to do your best not to react to it (on the basis that they take it all back to their manipulative dad - autism doesn’t preclude arseholey behavior).

have a chill birthday. Ted Lasso is brilliant, took me so long to watch it as thought ‘ugh football’.

🎂💐🍷for tomorrow, OP!

I would:

1. Have a lie-in but ask DP to bring me a brew before they go to work (if they are there)
2. Go out for breakfast on my own with a magazine or get my favourite bacon/philli bagel ingredients in
3. Go and have a wash and blow dry
4. Buy myself a treat and a new nail varnish
5. Do my nails or have them done
6. Have an afternoon coffee

Maybe an art gallery or combine the two

1. Go home to get ready to go out with DP starting with a bubble bath and glass of prosecco in said bath

I'd expect DC to fend for themselves but would put on the table picky bits while I was gone: apples, cake, crisps, party rings, juice and pretzels. So I could then do the above list guilt-free.

Have a good day xx

Hi OP
Just to let you know it is only ONE episode of Ted Lasso that has been released for you to watch tomorrow night. That might be enough over a takeaway, but it's not that funny, lots of exposition, setting up for next week.
So I'd have another feel good film or comedy up your sleeve as well and lower your expectations of Ted Lasso xx 🫖🍰

I don't know what you are into but BBC iplayer's Ann Droid has been good once it got going.
National Theatre's The Audience was a good watch (£9.99 for a month's subs).
Everything else I have seen of late has been a bit maudlin.

Baffled by the 18 yo's attitude tbh, at 18 he's old enough to be earning and helping pay towards the oven! Neglect is such a strong and inappropriate word for that sitch, he was being dramatic and selfish. Loads of ppl are switching to air fryers, my stove is ornamental at this point until I get it removed! No idea what they're on about.

Hope you're ok this evening OP. Sounds like they're wanting big reactions and drama. The dad will get bitten in the arse by the enabling behaviour and he'll be expected to payroll all sorts of nonsense.

Hope you enjoy your show and takeaway x

Happy Birthday OP
💐🎂🥳🎉🎈🎁
Hope you are having a nice day thus far!