Motherhood being quite lonely

[velvetina9]

29. 2 dc, 4 and 2yo who are due to turn 5 and 3 in autumn

I am married but DH works away. He comes back but its Friday later on then leaves when kids in bed Sunday. So hes there but away most the time

I dont have any kids on my side, my only friend I really have is having her first baby now. Dont have friends with kids or extended family with kids. My side is really small

DH has some kids on his side but were not too close to his side, visit grandparents and see cousins if they're there too but him and his brothers would never set up a day out with all the kids etc.

I see people going out in groups and it makes me feel sad. Mainly for my kids. I feel like a shit mum because our days out are me and them or as a 4 (weekends when DH home)

Even then seen a video before of someone going the beach with friends and having a lovely day. I feel bad if I take them anywhere they have eachother but just me no friends to play with etc

I cant help it obviously but someone reassure me my kids wont grow up and think im big old boring mum !

I felt bad about keeping their nursery days (3 while I work in the week) going during summer holidays but for me it means they get to play and interact with kids :(

Yes, I would be lonely in your shoes. But I think it would be even lonelier without the kids!
What is stopping you making friends? I know it's difficult - I find it really really hard work getting to know people, but it is so worth it.

I do struggle socially. I have ADHd and have always struggled keeping friendships. Im quite forgetful and struggle to organise:(

So half the time it comes across as I dont care im not interested etc

When they start school, in reception, lots of kids have whole class parties. This is a fantastic way to meet other parents - everyone is in the same boat, feeling bedraggled and weird about not knowing anybody!

You’ll have to get brave, but just remember there will be lots of people there feeling the same as you! With any luck, there might be a mum or two that you click with. Then you can organise play dates :)

Thanks I feel like I'm doing my kids a disservice to not have outings with other kids but apart from my own, i have any around me x

But most of us don’t — I had DS in a different country to all family and most friends, and then circumstances meant we had to move to a completely different part of the UK when DS was four months old, and another move when he was seven. Each time I was starting from scratch in terms of making local friends.

There is nothing wrong with just you spending time with your children and nothing to feel guilty about. Mine didn't go to playschool until the year before they went to school for mornings only. They never went to nursery. I did take them to mother and toddler groups occasionally but didn't have too. We all enjoyed spending time together when young like yours and I expect they love spending time with you. When they to school they will make friends. They are not missing out on anything.

It’s likely to change once they start school nursery or reception and you’ll meet other parents more

I never had outings with other children.

I agree with pp - not having ready-made mum friends is a completely normal situation to be in. The question is whether you care enough about being lonely to do what's necessary to make some, however hard it is.

Being forgetful/disorganised is definitely not a bar to good friendships. Just be honest with people, apologise freely when you forget something, and try to find ways to manage the disorganisedness if possible. I have two friends with ADHD who are very unreliable, but I forgive this as I know about their struggles with it. Most people are understanding (and the ones who aren't you probably don't want as friends anyway).