If your family split due to an affair would you tell your dc the truth about why ?

[NewLeafNewStart]

Just seen a clip on fb saying you should never tell kids if that’s why, because they can’t process the emotions etc

where as I personally think it’s better to not lie

what do you think ?

I’m saying if/ when we split

Whose relationships?

I think it's best kept high level with kids. I don't think they need to have every detail of your relationship. And I think it's rarely as simple as one person was innocent and wronged and the other was evil. Usually both people are responsible for marital breakdown.

I know my ex was having an affair with current wife / long term partner when child was just turned 1.

But - we were not right together. I wasn't behaving well in the relationship due to my own needs ( no cheating or affairs). They are better suited together as a couple. I am not woman scorned.

Ex would never admit it, they already have lied about how the pair met to our teenager.

But it doesn't matter really. The point is one relationship ended because it was not working. That's the true answer in most these cases.

I would only say something - in this case, not my own - like ' it was not what I personally wanted but sometimes people fall out of love.' That is all the details needed imo ( over age 10).

By adulthood then I'd be ok being totally open and giving the full story - only if asked or if for some reason the grown child was throwing alot of resentment towards me over it.

You can tell the truth without lying yet without giving every detail.

I don't believe it's totally in the best interest of child.

When my teenager repeated the story told him about how his dad and stepmum met ( a made up version told him by his dad), I just listened and didn't correct him. What would be the value?

My told all of us that she’d had an affair and that’s why she and dad split. We were all under 13 when they split and she told us all when we were in our 20s I think. None of us blamed her and she and dad get on very well and we’re all very close. There were some rough years at the beginning but it all settled over time.

Someone I loosely know initially agreed not to tell their teenage children that the dad had had an affair. She changed her mind after a while, because the kids were blaming her for ripping their lives apart and she didn't feel it was fair she was the one being blamed by the kids for breaking the family up, when actually it was their father's actions that had broken the family up.

I think be honest, but tell them when they are old enough to understand what it means and be prepared to answer their questions. I think it's often better to wait until they ask or start the conversation too, but I always think honesty is the best policy. My DF cheated on my DM and I always knew. It was hard to know as a small DC, but as an adult, I think it's important to know the truth.

I kind of veered away from the truth. Until the lies started coming from his side. And then I corrected my DC.