How can I support my mum after learning she has a half sister?

[RebeccaRedhat]

My mum is 70. About a month ago she received a letter, completely out of the blue from a lady claiming to be her half sister. Mum is an only child and has said several times how she could have done with a sibling at times in her life.

She's devastated. Her only link to her past, passed away at xmas so she has no way of getting any answers. All we know at this point is that this lady was adopted when my mum was around 3, almost 4 years old. They did give her lots of info, and I would say its 99% true. Mum feels.her life has been a lie, and why did no one have the decency to tell her. Her mum passed away over 30 years ago.

Can anyone advise how to support my mother? Dad and brother are useless. I was quite excited about it, but my mum is really upset. I've encouraged her to respond if that's what she wants, and my dad is telling her its pointless now, but he was one of 10, whereas mum was always on her own.

I know this is a bit jumbled, I was trying to get all the necessary info out there.

This is sort of related to my job so I will tell you what I always tell clients.

Everyone has a right to know where they come from. Your mother's half sister has a right to know who her mother/father was and that your mum is her half sister. That is only fair. However, she does NOT have a right to a relationship with those people. If your mum would prefer not to meet, not to engage, to pretend that this woman does not exist, then that is HER right. I am assuming they share a father rather than a mother.

Tell her not to do anything for at least 6 months. Tell your mum that if this woman hassles her, to send a message saying she needs space to process the information and for her please to respect that, she will be in touch if/when she feels she wishes to do so. Or you send that message on your mum's behalf.

I would also recommend counselling for your mum, although she is not adopted there are many counsellors out there who specialise in counselling adoptees or people who have had shock results from a DNA test. Get her to read this blog and think about whether having an expert to talk to might help. https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/when-a-dna-test-brings-shocking-results

They actually share the same mum
My mums father was killed whilst she was pregnant and then a few years later my nan had the 2nd baby. Long story short, she was approx 27 when she had the 2nd baby but it was out of wedlock and almost a mixed race baby. My great grandmother refused to allowed her to keep the baby (so great gran, nan and mum all lived together) so she was put into a home.at a few days old and then adopted at around 6-9 months old.