Mid-teens: how much rudeness do you tolerate in your household?

[Fatbadger50]

Answering back, telling people to shut up and bugger off, slamming doors in faces, thankfully little to no swearing, but it’s getting me down. We don’t speak like this to them, and we tell them off regularly but it falls on deaf ears. I can only take so much of it then I tend to explode, shout, send them to their room, confiscate phone. You hear about choosing your battles, and I’m aware there are all the hormonal changes going on and I accept I can be very annoying but still!

They’re 15 and 17, old enough to know better!

Zero. People snap. Our kids know to apologise if they do.

I would be incandescent if my DC told me to shut up or swore at me. It’s never happened (so far)

UNacceptable. I wouldn't accept it in the workplace, so why would I accept it in my own space. However, I also have had 2 very well behaved kids (now 21 and 19). I don't think I did anything special, just their temperaments (and ours, we're both quite calm people). My 21 year old now calls me out if she thinks my behaviour is bad 😂

I tolerated absolutely none. The most I tolerated was eye rolls. They wouldn’t have dared tried anything else.

Answering back - depends. If it’s an expression of frustration, if they’re ranting about life being nonsensical or unfair (often is for a teen), I tolerate. I will listen and agree with valid points, but our an end to the conversation quickly.

Shouting - “stop shouting at me. Go away and calm down, then come back and talk to me”. Has worked so far.

Shut up - zero tolerance. Totally unacceptable to anyone let alone a parent.

Cursing/swearing - ditto. Not under my roof. From when they were little children I told them that they can be as they are with their friends - because consequences come thick and fast and without second chances - but under my roof that language and behaviour won’t be tolerated. I’d hit the bloody roof if ever I heard it at home.

Slamming doors - both have done this on occasion. I’m 50-50 on it because sometimes life is indeed unfair and there aren’t many outlets when you’re always having to play by other people’s rules. But I like my doors and nobody deserves to live in a home with aggression in it. It hasn’t happened enough for me to come to a conclusion on how to handle it next time it happens. I’ll see.

Zéro

I tolerate none. But to answer those that have asked … howww???

Yes, I can differentiate between rudeness and not being in the mood, and just as I, as a human want to be respected when I’m not in the mood, I do the same to her.

Mine is nearly 15.

In practice this looks like…
If she’s in a bad mood, I approach her with kindness, but I also keep my distance. I might also say “bad day?” “Are you in a bad mood?” - this either opens up conversation or she’s not in the mood to talk. If she isn’t in the mood, I leave her, tell her to cool off, but she’s got to be ready for dinner, and I also remind her she can’t be in a mood forever.

We do argue sometimes, but I also find an appropriate way to show her that her attitude sucks. And I might do it days later. For example if she is rude, I’ll tell her then and there it was out of order. Then maybe in a weeks time we might go out, and I might show her that same action. And for me, that’s her way of seeing that having attitude does affect real world saturations. If I’m buying myself an ice cream, She’ll ask for one, and I will say “no”, because “I’m just not in the mood to” - abit harsh, but you can’t be rude to people and expect them to do nice things for you, she remembers these and I notice she also picks her battles.

I don’t tolerate shut up, she doesn’t and has never sworn infront of me. Infact she’s never told me to be quiet or anything like that. Because I don’t shout for shouting sake. If I shout, I’m making sure that she knows exactly what pissed me off, and I highlight it from a human point of view.

I say human a lot because sometimes as parents we forget that our children are becoming adults. We have to treat them like the mini adults we want them to be, and there is a fine balance between lectures and shouting that don’t teach anything, and showing them “I’m your mum, but like you, I’m a human with boundaries too. I get pissed off too. I get grumpy too. But we need to deal with it like grown people, and I will respect you if you respect me”

Neither of my kids really did any of that by that age, although we didn’t worry about them swearing occasionally once they were teens.

We have a very calm house and we always encouraged them to talk about their feelings and give their opinions so answering back wasn’t really a thing. They’ve never told us to shut up, bugger off or slammed doors.

One of my kids didn’t always listen well up to he was about 8 but was better after that, the other has always been very well behaved. They have both been very easy teenagers

None. Grumpiness is inevitable, and we had some blazing arguments, but I had absolutely zero tolerance for outright rudeness. He's now 19 and has never sworn at me or in front of me, and he has impeccable manners when we're out, which many people have commented on.