Why do some difficult people get indulged by everyone around them?

[igelkott2026]

This is sort of a TAAT but not really. I was thinking about the lift thread where the group at a hobby are hassling the OP over not giving a group member a lift, even though she's unpleasant. And the thread where one of a group of friends was in charge of the music and all but one of the others went along with it instead of letting the OP have a turn. Or even Portugal's World Cup chances being damaged by pandering to Ronaldo.

What is it that some people have that people pander to them, when they are actually a pain in the proverbial? We've got someone in our running club who gets people to pander to her too, although people do tend to get fed up after a while and withdraw.

Nobody has ever pandered to me. Other than maybe my mum, on occasion :)

Because people like that kick off when they're challenged and people are afraid of upsetting them.

The loudest are those who are heard and of course it is sometimes easier just to go along with whatever they want so they will shut the fuck up.

A close acquaintance of mine is like this; the fall out if you disagree or question the behaviour is nuclear. So many people have distanced themselves from the situation, but newer more vulnerable friends are always made, and then discarded.

I have challenged the behaviour, but the excuses are always there, then comes the blanking. It's always: "Oh, can you just do...." or "Hey, when you go to..... can you..."

Almost impossible to pin something to them (deliberately being vague here), I suspect a personality disorder.

The loudest are the narcissists who guilt trip everyone into walking on eggshells around them. Being loud in this trouble making, difficult way, is intimidating and manipulative.

Groups, individuals, and societies get bent way out of shape due to difficult people, and trying to placate them.

it’s a parenting failiure. Those types need boundaries, not indulgence.

I think some people pander to popular bullies because they are scared of being the wrong side of them and becoming one of their victims. No one actually likes them, but everyone's scared of becoming their target.

I hate this as I find it hard to give in and reward bad behaviour. Humouring someone so they don't kick off or sulk , cry or rage makes me hugely resentful and it ruins everything because then I am pissed off too. I have often left or not participated due to this . Sometimes in my group someone will ask me to please come and ignore the passive aggressive bully and I might just have to force myself . I know if I tried a stunt like that I don't think I would be indulged . Maybe . But as you've asked I do wonder why too .

Cohld
have written this about a sibling

he was over indulged as a child and now still as an adult

he manages to get people
to feel sorry for him with his victim statements and woe is me attitude it’s infuriating.

I don’t however indulge the behaviour at all and subsequently have been banished for it whoopie 🙌

The person I am referring to is absolutely not a bully in a traditional sense, they are highly intelligent.

They have kids, and the partner goes for a path of less resistance, because quite simply, it isn't worth the bother.

They are very much one thing to friends, and another to family.

Because it shuts them up/stops them whining, in my experience.

well, let’s look at Trump. He is indulged, left, right and centre by all staff wanting to keep their jobs, even though the most simplest of people must have discerned the lunacy surrounding everything.

I was going to suggest that it isn't always the loud and obvious people that get the most. Sometimes it's people that quietly build the idea that they are a victim and hard done by. People take on some level of responsibility for them and often make allowances without really questioning why. It's always assumed that they can't pull their weight and won't do their fair share. People are just happy they're doing anything. Expectations are so low and it becomes a self perpetuating issue as those with the victim complex feel that they are justified in their view and everything is too hard or difficult for them. They start to believe they are exceptional and everyone else should pick-up the slack because it's assumed that everyone else finds things easier.

Some people are placated as children and as they grow their behaviour gets worse but it’s too difficult to put them in their place because their attitude stinks.
My cousin sucks, she’s got a shitty entitled attitude in general, and it’s because her parents and husband just go along with it because it’s easier than dealing with the fallout if she doesn’t get her way.
She has ‘friends’ and ‘family’ sides to her personality so she can be great fun.

The horrible brats at school who were generally disruptive and bullying. But the teachers tended to pander to them, while being harsher with the kids who made slighter misdemeanor.

People that never take accountability but do Blame with a capital B . They are called narcissists.

They lack the ability to self reflect, and have bucket loads of ability to guilt trip others.

The ones that nobody really likes, because they aren’t actually very nice, but they are scary so people are polite.

The politeness hides the dislike and fear….. and the bullying pursues them further: cries of ‘ micro aggressions’ follow the innocent into their unconscious realms: what they can’t control, their unconscious dislike of these awful people is now shamed and used to hound people.

so much bullying by the supposed Victims. There’s only one solution : Stop rescuing ‘victims’ Don’t validate their self serving scripts.

Team players who behave decently are ignored while difficult characters are fawned over to prevent them being difficult and causing problems for others.

I once worked on team of people, 3 women. One was shy and reserved, the other two were loud and argumentative.

which one do you suppose was given the majority of the work? And was told to put up or shut up.

which one was given grief by two of them, who was expected to cover late nights and weekends and was accused of being selfish and lazy if she ever refused a request to swap shifts…

My sil is difficult and people tend to pander to her.
It is a mystery. Some Alpha people just seem to demand it and get it. It is one of life’s mysteries.

Because upsetting Sue or Dave will cause confrontation. Upsetting Icky won't.

Because people are afraid or don’t have the social skills to stand up for themselves and call them out