Inappropriate comment at a family funeral, I should have challenged him!

[Percypigs20]

I’m furious about a deeply inappropriate comment made to me last week.

A lovely family member recently passed away. Last week I was standing outside the crematorium (prior to the service) with my family members - including my 19 year old nephew.

When an older male (I didn’t know him but he’s known to the family) approx 75 years old made a comment to my nephew whilst looking directly at me something along the lines of ‘is this your girlfriend?’ Which my nephew looked deeply embarrassed about and I shook my head and rolled my eyes! He then said ‘can I have a go on her after you?’ I’m not very often shocked/speechless but it just caught me completely off guard given the circumstances.

Almost immediately after this inappropriate comment the family moved inside for the service.

I’m so annoyed at myself for not challenging him at the time! I also didn’t speak to my nephew afterwards but I will mention it to him next time I see him. I know I should have said something but we are all upset about the passing of our loved one and it just wasn’t the right time or place.

I’m just so furious with myself as I should have said something at the time!

If it helps, I doubt he would’ve cared at being challenged.

should’ve smacked him one though.

try and forget about it, you might be fixating on it to avoid some grief

Thanks so much for your reply. I keep replaying the conversation and wishing I’d smacked him one! X

I’m sorry for your loss and that such a horrible event occurred at the funeral. Almost have to hope it’s due to some form of senility.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You did the right thing anyway not the time or place for a confrontation. Anyone speaking like that is unlikely to be reasonable when challenged

The world is overflowing with arseholes.

I don’t think you need to say anything to your nephew, who was just a bystander to the kind of ‘witticism’ a certain kind of elderly perv trades in. Yes, it would have been satisfying to karate chop him on the windpipe, but you were at a funeral.

I think under the circumstances you did the right thing to ignore him. It would have added to the upset if you'd got into an argument or confronted him then.

It's too shocking a comment to have a comeback for, even with time to think, even not at a funeral.
What a disgusting man.

You did the right thing, it was neither the time nor the place to address such a crass comment. Whilst he was deeply offensive,I do wonder whether the chap is suffering with dementia which can result in a loosening of inhibitions.

I don’t think I’d have bothered in your shoes.

At my husband’s uncles funeral an uncle by marriage of my husband asked me how my sex life was. I just looked straight through him and did not respond.

My husband tackled him about it the next time he saw him because he has massive form for being a perv.

It wasn’t the time or the place at the funeral and honestly the man couldn’t give a shit what a woman thought anyway because women are absolutely nothing to him except “things” to provoke emotional reactions that entertain him.

I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction but God he didn’t like another man putting him in his place, that was nice to see.

I suspect your pervo is cut from a similar cloth.

After my Nana’s funeral I was approached by the vicar who asked “How do you kiss your boyfriend with all of those in your face” - lip piercings. Very inappropriate and made me feel very weird. So I responded that I just stab them in the face with them and go from there”. He walked away very quickly.

Why idiots have to put you on the spot at such a difficult time is a problem that they have, not you. I wish I’d smacked the vicar one too. Gross people show themselves for who they are. Unfortunately they won’t go away and think twice about what they said. Being caught off guard you’re never able to in the moment tackle the kind of response you later think would have shut them up. Gross people are gross, it’s their issue not yours. They’re vile people.

That is so inappropriate that I'd wonder if he was even mentally well.

Yes agreed, possible it's Alzheimer's/dementia?

@Percypigs20 oh OP please don’t feel annoyed at yourself. It must have been quite shocking to hear - and sometimes you only react later. Completely normal. But I get why you would feel that way! And good
idea having a chat with your nephew!

Possibly, did he have a carer nearby?
Alternatively, he was just a horrible man who has gotten old.
You did the right thing to ignore his comment.

Sorry for your recent loss 💐

What a dirty old creep! I would have felt the same, very taken aback at first, but then annoyed at myself for not saying something back.

We women can’t escape sexual harassment. So depressing that this happened at a funeral of all places.

Eeeeew……nasty old nonce!!!!!

Please report him to his diocese or chat to an organisation like Safe Spaces who may report for you Safe Spaces - England and Wales - Safe Spaces England and Wales https://share.google/DzvlYtl0tLTMwZyhm

Frontotemporal dementia can make people say stuff like that. It’s so wildly inappropriate that I’d just assume he’s got dementia and move on.

Thank you all for your replies. X

No carer, he had actually given someone a lift to the funeral. Sadly I think he’s just a creepy old man! x

It is hard not to ruminate but take the compliment ha!

seriously it was gross but he's not your dad or brother so this dirty knob head is not your problem

such a horrible thing to say to you st any time, but at a funeral of a loved one it’s even worse

enough to make your skin crawl, and no wonder so many woman choose the bear

Sometimes these types of men want confrontation.

Imagine if you had shouted at him or smacked him one in the middle of a funeral - he would act shocked and saddened and you’d be seen as the ‘hysterical’ one.

He’s vile but he said it to get a reaction and not giving him one was probably the best thing you could have done.

Hopefully he says it again and then you can calmly tell him how gross he is and how you wouldn’t touch him if he was the last man on earth.

@Percypigs20 you were respectful and dignified. It wasn't appropriate.
If you ever see him again you can act accordingly.
Your nephew must have been mortified.