Advice needed on daughter’s aggression, threats and refusal to follow rules

[Wandawandswanda]

need advice re dd 14 yo. She screams at me, refuses to follow rules, abuses me verbally, scratches me.

She wanted to get acrylic extensions done and I've said no, so she says she will die and throws tantrums.
She doesn't tidy her room or do basic things around the house. Ive tried printing out basic rules for her and using money as an incentive but she never does it. Please someone help!!

She needs a reality check!!
I just wouldn’t tolerate this
turn off the internet and no treats until she can conduct herself properly and what normal person “does” without having their nails done??? This seems extreme behaviour but even so I wouldn’t take ANY of this nonsense

Just let her cry then.

Your weapons are boredom and parental stupidity. And, internally, humour. If she asks for acrylics, ask what they are - are they like perspex? No, you don't know, could she explain? What will they cost? How much are you expected to contribute? Does she think that her recent behaviour justifies you buying her something so expensive? Keep being really dull and tedious. If you're lucky she'll get fed up with your stupidity and give up.

But most important remain calm. Point out that you don't go deaf when you don't agree with her. Never raise your voice. I like to keep an internal dialogue going about how dull and stupid I am and how awful for my poor teenager to put up with it, while externally I am either agreeing with her and sympathising with her having such a dreadful mother, or grey rocking in a mildly amused manner. If she raises a hand to you get straight up and walk away in silence, no matter how inconvenient that is to you. Turn off the iron/gas as necessary first. When you next see her quietly and calmly ask her how she can justify such despicable behaviour and if you get cheek, walk away again if you can or just act as if she isn't there.

Yes i do because i did not hear of a single friend screaming and attacking their parents. I raised 6 and not one of them acted like that and neither did their friends.
Yes i had respect sorry yours weren't raised that way.

All of my teenagers know that if they were ever stupid enough to raise a hand to me they should expect me to respond in exactly the same way I would to a random adult in a street assault.

14 is far too old to be tantrumming like a toddler.
Do you have rules and consequences? what punishments does she have for rule breaking and shouting at you?

I take my hat off to you. Honestly.

Are you sure she has no SEN?
Screaming, crying, slamming doors might be standard teen stuff occasionally. But attacking andscratching you? I suggest you seek some expert advice for both of you from a therapist / child psych.

And?

Could it be extreme pre-menstrual stress? That can be treated.
I would get some clinical advice.