Going on holiday and look like a fat pig

[boltonbluedog]

Yes I care what i look like
Yes I care what others think
Yes I care i don't look like the skinny girl at the pool
Yes I care i don't look great for my DH

Yes I wish I could cut my fat bits off with a knife ...

@ihadtochangemynameforthis
This is a beautiful post, and you are lovely

@boltonbluedog I've been where you are, and i get it. I scanned the beach, and i wasn't the worst, but in the top 5 fattest person on there.
It was horrible
I feel for you

I bet you're not the worst.
Have a fabulous holiday and enjoy

One thing i’ve discovered lately is that weight loss (for me anyway) is largely food based. I used to walk 15-20k steps a day to try and keep my weight down, then I got a hip & sciatica issue and had to cut right back. I did gain at first, but have reduced calories and stopped a medication and am losing more than I ever did when doing so many steps. For me, at nearly 50, I only lose when on 1100 cals max (i’m 5ft 1) which is pretty miserable but I feel so crap about myself when I gain so at the moment it’s a necessary evil and still eating 3 meals a day.

Not much you can do this holiday, but I do hear you, I hate going away when haven’t managed to lose weight.

Could you buy a flattering swimsuit and maybe a nice cover up/kaftan/sarong or similar? That always helps, I hate having my stomach out though I don't mind the rest of me.

Aren’t you an absolute ray of sunshine.

Wow 😯.

Op...what size are you? And when is your holiday? I'm sure you and us can make a plan to make you feel better.

When are you going? Don’t starve yourself you’ll be miserable. I would suggest trying to eat more protein and cut out any junk, drink lots of water. You’ll be much less bloated. I had a spray tan last year and it made me feel a bit better about wearing a swimming costume on the first few days. But otherwise smile and don’t let it hold you back! I do look at other people (everyone does) but I don’t judge. This may spark you into losing weight (or not) but if you don’t don the cossie and join in-the fat wins-don’t let it! Good luck, hope you have a great time.

Have you posted about this before with a different username? It is the PT 5 times a week that has rung a bell.

What size are you - we can find pictures of similar sizes where they look good and give some recommendations for holiday outfits.

@mondaytosunday you can bring your own if that would help any. You aren't strictly speaking supposed to, but if you arrange your clothes so they don't see the extra buckle when they do their checks they won't notice.

@boltonbluedog you deserve your holiday and I agree with a PP that some fake tan might make you feel better. I’m also 50s and menopausal. Sending you support 🌺

I absolutely know the feeling

It is a great truth that no one really thinks about anything else - and that you deserve a holiday as much as the next woman. I always feel better after a couple of days

I think what helps is

a tan, get it done professionally

swimwear that flatters - if that means swim shorts and a Tankini top then do that - lots of Gen Z's do. Or even knee length swim leggings. Or shorts and a bikini top. Or a funky 1950s style bikini w high waisted bottoms

a fab hat of the right proportion to suit your body size.

excellent accessories a glasses, cover ups, sandals, pedi, jewellery, I know you aren't the size you want to be but look for someone who is your size whose style you admire and take inspiration

some new outfits you love

You go to the gym five days a week? Bloody hell OP that's impressive!

And please stop referring to yourself as 'a fat pig', that's a horrible way to speak about anyone, even if you never say it out loud. We all deserve kindness and respect and self loathing does no one any good. Treat yourself and speak to yourself as you would someone that you love. Seriously, it does matter

I too know how you feel
However, the most recent holiday I had I didn't have this feeling
No worries about what to wear each day. It was a revelation to feel so much happier and so less stressed.

Why...simply put...I've lost weight.

I know that isn't helpful right this second but honestly, no amount of self care, non body shaming affirmation, nothing was going to alter my head. Only losing weight and getting fit has. I'm self conscious of loose skin but I can manage that as I know that's a by product.

I'm 50 and menopausal too, but I'm a pasty, scrawny stick insect and also look shit in a bikini or photo. Rash tops with swim shorts are a god send for me. Find something that hides what you hate but is still comfortable on holiday. Long floaty materials are also great IMO.

At my stage in life, I now realise that no one is looking at anyone, they are far too busy looking at themselves. Just like we all do and hyper criticise our bodies, which no one cares about at all, only you/us.

Sadly, I dont think this is true otherwise fat shaming wouldnt be a thing. Not everyone is judging of course, and Im not saying you should care what a stranger thinks but I do think it’s disingenuous to say no-one judges. Ive been on the receiving end of some very nasty looks and comments so I understand how you feel OP. And the heat just makes you feel ten times worse doesnt it?

I think around a pool situation everyone is looking at everyone else. What I've noticed particularly in Italy is that it doesn't matter what size you are if you have body confidence - I have seem many larger older Italian ladies parading around in a bikini like they are the most beautiful people in the world - a tan does help.

I don't think we are taught that in the UK.

OP are you actually overweight if you are in the gym 5 days a week or is this in your head?

I say this as someone who has never ever been comfortable with my body and almost never worn a bikini no matter what I weigh even with a very normal BMI and regular gym going. Menopause fat redistribution is a nightmare thing for me and makes me feel fatter than I really am. I know it’s in my head but every holiday I feel the same. I basically quit beach holidays and only go places where I can wear clothes.

Confidence is very important and a good tan is very slimming. I reckon it takes about half a stone off

I hear you OP. I always feel like that as a holiday in the sun approaches. Size 16. What makes it so much harder is that I think I still look how I did 40 years ago and the reality is like a smack in the face. I get there, have a quick look around and think “fuck it, I’ll never see these people again” and get in the pool. You’ll be ok x

I’m 5’5, 8 stone 11 and every part of me wobbles and sags. I’m disgusting. No chance in hell will anyone be seeing me in swimwear this summer. So no, lower weight doesn’t equal confidence.

How big are you OP?

Do you look at other women and think they look like fat pigs? If not, what makes you feel others will think that about you?

You’re fit and active. Your body lets you move as you wish. Be grateful of having this freedom

I second pp who suggests a spray tan, professionally done. While you’re at it, nails, pedicure, brows and any other waxing as necessary.

Buy a lovely hat and a cover up that suits.

Menopause is so very hard, but don’t be hard on yourself.

Enjoy the holiday

It sucks when your body confidence is rock bottom. I find my ability to see the positives very hormonally driven. Peri and menopause impact our bodies and also change how resilient and positive we feel.

Things that help me when I feel that way, especially about holidays is some new clothes swimwear and cover-ups. Some fake tan. A week of eating no carbs, loads of protien veg and water. Massively reduces bloat and makes me feel and look considerably smaller. Get my hair done. Get a new beach bag and a good book. Obviously can't fix everything you feel but can improve things a bit.

Bit frustrated with OP at this point. You've written a post which is quite violently critical of yourself but also potentially will impact on anyone else who feels fat and unattractive. We've all got that image of cutting fat bits off with a knife now, whether we want it or not. And then lots of people have written caring and supportive suggestions and you just haven't responded. Not unusual on Mumsnet though.