How can I not cry?

[NorrisToenail]

I'm a cryer. Not all the time, and not in the sistine chapel but films and some songs can set me off. Otherwise, I'm tough as old boots so it's annoying when the tears arrive.

A while ago I had a job interview and got tearful talking about an emotional example, I didn't get the job and my feedback included needing resilience for the role. I'm furious at myself because I really am a resilient person so I needs practical tips to stop it happening again. Please help me not make a twat of myself next time!

Oh I’d like to know this as well ! The tears come but I’m not remotely sad or upset. Just why???

This has only just started happening to me in the last year or so, and only in very particular circumstances. It's quite irritating

I’m a cryer too. Can’t even drive past a funeral.

I've just read another thread that had helpful tips such as looking up whilst keeping your head still, sucking a polo and some other things that sound great, but would make me look rude or psychotic in a job interview

Therapy might help you unpick this. I’m sorry I’m not a doctor but I’m inclined to think you self sabotaged by crying in the interview.

now you can blame your tears and not yourself for not getting the job, the same way an actress might gain weight so she can blame the fat and not her talent for not being cast.

I'm a cryer too - I learnt the other day to look up and cough, and I think it works. Probably looks a bit odd in a job interview though

That feedback is highly weird. Someone who cries is not unresilient (is that even a word?!) I cry at the drop of a hat (granted I am coping with double grief, hectic parenting, a stressful job and numerous other stressors) but I have always been this way. It makes me empathetic, good at my job and a better person overall.

I do tend to keep it for private, but it can seep into public life at times! Maybe this is a good thing, for people to see more public crying and know that it's not the end of the world if they do the same every once in a while?

Confusing reply. I'm not blaming the tears and not myself...it was literally part of the feedback. Thanks though

I agree to be honest but I'd still rather not cry in interviews. The role does need a lot of empathy, maybe they thought it would be too much for me if I can't even sit through an interview!

I understand the point this poster was making completely, and think you may have been a little defensive in your response to it - I think @ohyesido makes a good point and it's worth reflecting on. Crying when recounting an emotional event isn't inevitable, so is it possible that in an interview situation your tears were more about the stress and pressure you were feeling than the event you were describing? Definitely worth thinking about, because as an interviewer myself it would give me pause for thought if a candidate couldn't describe a previous professional experience without becoming visibly emotional.

Apparently clenching your toes very hard stops you crying. It sort of works for me at funerals as I’m a terrible cryer. However I have to mix it with thinking about my tax return which isn’t very helpful probably in a job interview situation!

Not defensive, just confused by the response. I clearly said in my op that I'm a crier, so it wasn't a surprise that it happened, let alone me trying to sabotage myself. I'm looking for practical help to stop it from happening

Are you menopausal or have you always had this? Antidepressants maybe, it's not normal to feel these things so strongly as to cry in the work place.

Yes I am perimenopausal, been on HRT for almost a year. Going for a review soon as I don't think it's helping at all, feel like I'm losing my mind at times.

That's being said, I've always been an emotional person. If I'm angry or frustrated it comes out as tears as well. I hate it

I feel you op! I am not a crier, at all, but if I’m angry or frustrated, i have been known to well up. I HATE it. This is what works for me….it sounds weird, but it does!
The minute you feel the tears coming, clench your pelvic floor, 5 times. Then, clench your bum cheeks 5 times, then your toes, then flex your ankles 5 times. It is the equivalent of circular breathing but no one can see it, you can do it whilst talking and doing other things, regain control and no one will know! It works for me….

I have this too, but tend to cry when I get angry. It really doesn’t help when I’m trying to argue with someone (mainly DH) as it looks like I’m ’turning on the taps’ and it stops me explaining my point of view. It’s happened a couple of times in work and it’s so embarrassing. I then develop a very red swollen face which makes it worse as it’s so obvious. I’ve tried digging my nails into my palms, biting my tongue and deep breathing, all with very limited effect. Very sour sweets work for panic attacks, so I might try that next time.