Can’t deal with ex having a baby

[Russiancocktail]

Really struggling at the minute.

Broke up with my ex in 2023 after 5 years together. It was my first serious grown up relationship after meeting in our early 20’s. We grew a lot and achieved a lot together but eventually grew apart and broke up. Our house wasn’t owned and I moved back in with my Mum.

Ex moved on pretty fast and was engaged by the following year, married the end of last. I have had a year long relationship in between but ultimately didn’t work out. I wasn’t too phased when ex got married although did take my by surprise.

They have just announced they are having a baby and it has absolutely knocked me off my feet. Not sure why this has impacted me more than marriage but I can’t stop thinking about our relationship and how it all went wrong. I am still stuck at my Mum’s house as can’t afford to move out alone. Meanwhile ex has married, bought a house and is having a baby. Meanwhile I’m stuck in the online dating, not getting a connection. I’ve tried to get myself out there but no success. We don’t share the same friends however there is a slight crossover in the wider friendship group hence how I know everything.

i’m just feeling like a huge failure and wondering why this is bothering me so much more than the wedding.

There is a reason you split. You werent meant to be together.
You have no ties or responsibilities why not make a massive life change and go work abroad for a year?

It's knocked you because you feel left behind. If you were married with a baby it wouldn't have stung as much.

What I will say is:

1. this is a completely normal reaction
2. just because he is "ahead" now doesn't mean it will always be this way. In three years time you could be married, with a house and a baby and he could be getting a divorce. Remember you never know the full picture of someone's life. Just keep focusing on yourself and you will get to where you need to be

It does feel as if ex is living the life we always discussed with someone else. I on the other hand have achieved nothing since the split. I am currently working in my dream job which I secured at the end of the relationship (and probably contributed to our breakup) but other than that nothing.

I think part of the issue is I don’t even know what I want to achieve.

You say you’ve achieved nothing then in the next sentence that you are working in your dream job which is why you split.

if you’d stayed with him, would the cost have been giving up your dream career? What you’ve achieved is proving you can do it.

you’ve still got time for the marriage and kids. But when you do it, it’ll be with a man who values all of you.

It’s ok to grieve a relationship you thought you were going to have. But you would have been settling and no one deserves that.

things can change very quickly but your happiness and value are important.

Not give it up no but I don’t know how we’d have made it work.

We never really discussed if it was the problem but I know it was. I worked hard and ex supported me to get the job but the reality is it’s stressful and long hours including nights (emergency services). I entered a life and discovered a side of myself that I didn’t know existed.

We just stopped communicating and ended up being like passing ships in the house. We had sex once in the last six months of our relationship.

I know why we broke up and I don’t want to get back together, I just can’t help but be filled with regret.

Couldn’t help but have a look at their social media’s last night and even makes me sad they are posting with our cat. Ex bought the cat but we were together since she was a kitten.

I don’t understand this sudden overwhelming sadness I have.