I always thought my DM was an actively shit mother. At the same time I acknowledge that she didn’t have a great model, was a young parent etc. she was early 20s when I was born, told me many times as a child that she had no idea women could get pregnant so easily from the pull out method. Other gems:
- told me all about the local paedophiles and what they did to little girls, so never trust a man
- told me to never trust anyone except her
- told me extensive stories about her postnatal depression and how she often wished to kill us both
- mentioned very often conversationally how I’d ruined her body
etc etc.
im very aware she was an extremely unwell and disturbed person. But she’s now late 60s. I’m unwilling to care for her in the way she feels she deserves. I’m increasingly distant from her. She feels I owe her. I feel (never verbalised) that it’s amazing I’ve built the life for myself that I have, I owe her nothing.
her narrative is that she sacrificed her life for me. I believe that she’s an extremely selfish evil person but I acknowledge that her circumstances were not her fault entirely, her parents and society failed her. Not my problem. She tried her best to destroy me as a child. I feel sad and guilty, but I also should feel no guilt.