How to support DS after being left without school awards.

[Whydidyoulogmeout]

Hi

Looking for advice on how to handle DS (age 5 and in year 1) upset at being the only child in his year without an end of term prize/certficate?

In short DS is in a small school ( only 12 kids in his year). Sports day the other week, all the sporty kids got medals and 1st, 2nd place certificates, trophys etc. DS empty handed, which was expected as he isn't very sporty. He took it on the chin, as there were another 4 or 5 of them empty handed too.

Fast forward to today. Email gone out about the prize winners for the end of year assembly. Every child who didn't get an award at Sports day, has been given an end of year award, (as well as some who got sports day trophys too). DS and another little boy are the only 2 completely empty handed. The other little boy won't be there for the assembly, so will be none the wiser, as he is missing last week of term of a holiday.

DS is going to be so upset. He is very observant, a both a worrier and an over thinker. He will clock on straight away that he is the only one in his year who hasn't got anything at either sports day or academic assembly.

How do I handle this with him? I don't know what to say to make it better. Its one thing if you are one of say 10-12 others who don't get award, but when you are the only one essentially, there is no hiding it.

He tries his hardest bless him, but he is very late August born, and so isn't reaching the same standard in English and Maths as the others. I don't want this to knock his confidence, or for him to think its not worth trying hard next year.

I fully agree with this, I think you're hugely overthinking. It would be a very unusual 5 year old who remembers all 7 children who got awards at sports day several weeks ago, let alone cross reference them with the end of year awards.

It won't be deliberate, the teacher won't have linked the two I can't imagine!

As a parent I wouldn’t have a clue who got the awards on sports day if it wasn’t my child. 7 children won - the school didn’t choose them, they won.

And I’d see the awards thing as completely separate and your child wasn’t chosen - their time will come though I’m sure.

No, you are not overthinking or being "that" parent!

You know your five year old needs you to look out for them. Even if its an oversight, if you can work this out, and you know your FIVE YEAR OLD could, so can the school. Even as an oversight this is unacceptable - and I am one of those who really hates sports days where no one loses and no one wins.

"He tries his hardest bless him, but he is very late August born, and so isn't reaching the same standard in English and Maths as the others."
Are you sure it is him being summer born that is the issue here? The most important part of the first year of school is making friends, learning the ropes, feeling excited by learning - not English and Maths grades. Who knows what other exclusion is going on during the average school day that you haven't been able to pick up on? Are there any other signs? This is one big red flag and it needs checking.

I'd give the school a chance to correct their oversight - let them know this unfair treatment of your son could hurt his confidence progress. Do it in writing and request an urgent face-to-face review before the awards day to discuss his social skills, emotional development, favourite activities and friendships so that you can get a feel for his overall experience.

And if they don't correct the problem or give you that meeting, you know they're an awful school. I'd be keeping him off school on the day of awards AND looking for another school to start in September.

Aww no my heart hurts thinking of him being upset. Definitely talk to the teacher and if they don’t come up with something then just keep him off that day and take him somewhere really fun. It won’t do him any good to see everyone else in the year having got some recognition but him. He’s got plenty of time to learn life isn’t fair, no one needs to learn that aged 5.

So 7 DC got an award and 7 at sports day and 7 in assembly , I think these are separate things. It could have been 5 DC didn’t get anything, however this year it was one sixth of his year.
I wouldn’t email

If all the awards (sports and end of year) are getting handed out at the same time, I’d email the school. If it’s just the end of year awards and the sports day winners won’t be getting up either, I’d leave it.

My dc is August born and dyslexic too. Not many awards coming their way either! We do our own treats and celebration and they’re focused on effort, not achievement. If I were in your shoes - I’d do a treat day / treat activity with him and tell him that it’s to celebrate his amazing effort he’s put into year 1 this year and that he should be really proud of himself for trying so hard.

I’m a teacher. There’s 12 in the year? That’s awful for your son. Please be that parent. I’ve had to be that parent too. Just send an email explaining the situation clearly and factually. They are probably so busy they haven’t realised.

Class of 25 and 5 getting an award? Don’t be that parent. Class of 12 and 10 getting an award? It’s ok to be that parent.

Be that parent. Send a polite email outlining what you’ve said here. It’s not ok and very demotivating.

I would speak to school and say you're concerned about him being upset as he WILL notice, and see their response
if they're very "well not everyone one.... opportunity to learn..... try harder...." then keep him off and do something extra special if you feel that's the best option. alt they might go oh crap, I didn't realise that, we can fix that....m

This. Contact them so they have a chance to rectify it. As you said it's probably not deliberate but it's easy to just miss something in the end of year hubbub.

7 of them are getting an award. 5 are not getting an award.

Sports day is over, has nothing to do with prize giving and you either win or you don’t. He does need to learn then, and understand that it’s nothing to do with prize giving where 5 of them won’t get an award.

What @ProudPearl and @Striveforcompetence said. No five year old is going to be thinking back to sports day and mentally cross-checking the winners against the kids getting end of term prizes.

If raising it doesn't help you could give him a day off

My son could tell me exactly who had been 'specially selected' to go to the head teacher in his class for a whole term as he knew that he hadn't and was hoping he would so he paid attention to who had.

He paid so much attention that he noticed that if you're good all day you get nothing but if you're naughty in the morning and good in the afternoon, you get a treat. 🤷🏻

So I really think it depends on the five year old - I can believe that some wouldn't but I know plenty that absolutely would.

But it sounds as though he's not achieved very much - why should he get a prize?

I think I'd message the school. I can't imagine that a child doesn't get recognized for anything. C'mon. 🤨

He's five! At that age school isn't about achieving, its about setting the foundations for positive educational experiences - most children are keen to be recognised and the smallest recognition is huge.