Is it normal for school party RSVPs to be this slow?

[ForFairLilacHare]

My DS is turning 6 in August and this is the first year he’s asked for a proper birthday party. We booked a soft play party and invited around 25 children. The party is booked for 12th July so just before they break up for summer.

The invitations were handed out on 19th June with an RSVP deadline of 1st July. So far we’ve had 6 children from school RSVP.

I’m pleased that he has children coming, but I can’t help feeling a bit disappointed by how few people have responded. There are still quite a few parents who haven’t replied at all, including some whose children my son has been to parties for, and I always responded promptly to theirs.

Is this just normal these days? Do lots of parents wait until the RSVP deadline, or do many just never respond unless chased?

I’m probably overthinking it, but I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s experiences, as this is our first school party and I wasn’t sure what to expect.

Yes, people are busy and/or a bit useless. It's not the deadline yet though. Once it's 1 July I'd chase and mention that you need to let the venue know numbers.

I’ve ALWAYS had to chase RSVPs. If you have email addresses or phone numbers I’d send a reminder. A pain yes, but necessary.

always been slow and you need to chase

I've always had to chase! Most people were attending as well.

Normal! These days I can usually get ahold of a parent’s number via the class parents WhatsApp and there are often a lot of messages like “is Amy’s mum on here please?” to track down stragglers (don’t mention the party in the class WhatsApp - that is not the done thing - just use the WhatsApp to track people down and ask them to confirm).

What’s app invitation are the norm here. Complete with poll of who can/can’t attend if it’s a full class party to make it easier to keep
track of.

Your beginners error here was paper invitations. I expect at least half of them are languishing at the bottom of school bags and will only be found when the bags are cleared out at the end of the year (or in September!).

You either need to use an app like Paperless Post where people just click to accept, and you can chase RSVPs at the click of a button, or if it’s a whole class party, use the class what’s app group, or set up a party-specific what’s app group. One benefit of what’s app is that people see others responding and that reminds them to RSVP. You will want a What’s App group anyway to remind people to come the day before, collect dietary restriction info, send any info re parking/running late/whatever, and send photos of the kids. So set one up now, include all the details, and say “thanks to those who have rsvp’d already, can others please let me know whether they can make it and any dietary restrictions”.

But yes, you always have to chase a fair few.

Word of warning ….parties around the end of term time are usually a hard recruit as lots of people go away early for holidays etc, my daughter is around the last day of the school term and we average 50/50 - we go away now 🤣

It can be slow especially this time of year when lots is going on. However in 3 years of infant school we have never received a single paper invitation, everything is done via Whatsapp here, so I agree with pp that this may be contributing to your problem. Do your chasing and follow ups by Whatsapp if possible.

I don’t think many respond to paper invites these days. WhatsApp polls on group chat is the usual. You will have to try to chase by text if you can get hold of numbers

I have always had to chase. Ask parents for a yes/ no on pick up, get parents numbers from class whatsapp and private message etc. It sucks but it seems to be normal for lots not to respond.

Thank you for the replies. Unfortunately, there’s no class WhatsApp or I would have done the invitations on there.
l’ll chase the parents who I have the numbers for later this week!

Our nursery & school seem to buck the standard MN trends for kids parties. DD’s party is in a couple of weeks, the weekend before school breaks for summer. I invited 25 kids via WhatsApp and had all but 3 RSVP’s back within 2 days. Out of the 25 invited, I have 22 kids coming and across the last three parties she has had, we had a single drop out at the last minute.

Not sure if WhatsApp is the key as PP’s have said, although school had us indoctrinated early in reception to clear out bags daily so a paper invitation would usually get picked up quickly too.

You always have to chase, people are busy and forgetful or in some cases they didn't get/haven't seen the invitation.

I think this is normal, I invited my son's full class plus about 20 extra to his softplay party last year and rsvp were non existent for some, personally think it's rude, even if you can't go, let me know

I’ve never had this problem, if it’s a whole class party, the invite gets put on the school what’s app group with a poll and 95% reply promptly then a reminder email when the deadline comes. If not whole class, I send separate WhatsApp msgs to the parents or make a party group and they’ve always replied. How are you sending invites? I haven’t seen any other parent have a problem either. There is always the same parent who ignores but used to that.

Sorry I’ve seen you don’t have a what’s app group for the class! I think honestly that way is the easiest to send invites so may be worth asking for phone numbers to the parents

I think when you put a deadline, people almost take it that you don't need to know UNTIL the deadline! I know that that isn't really what a deadline means, but in my experience that's how people take it! I would wait until the deadline before chasing.

This is why I no longer do paper invites as I had a slightly awkward conversation where a mum said about a couple of parties she assumed my son was invited to in front of the mum whose kid was one of them and I said he hasn’t had an invite. The party organising mum said ‘he should have an invite to her DS party.’ I checked all pockets of my DS bag and found it in the front pocket that I rarely checked, the class TA has tucked them into their bags and put it in the front pocket so my DS didn’t even know it was there 🤦🏼‍♀️

Fortunately they were mums I knew well and I sent a message saying ‘sorry I found in his bag’ and she was the one who said she asked and the TA had tucked into their bags. The first thing my son said to me at pick up wa always ‘I’ve got an invite to X’s party, can I go’ so that how I knew he didn’t know about it.

I now send WhatsApp invites as thankfully we have class WhatsApp groups so I have all the parents numbers!

People are rude these days

Anyone who says yes after the deadline, I'd say, sorry but the venue has been booked and you're too late.

You mean you’d deny her own child a chance to have a party with more friends at it, and deny the other kid the fun of going to the party, all because the school is so antiquated that it doesn’t have a what’s app group to make inviting and rsvp-ing straightforward? This is such classic English cutting off your nose to spite your face because you want sanctimoniously to discipline someone else because they have slipped against your standards of politeness.

OP, if you are at the school gate, just start asking people if they got the invite and asking them to RSVP. Message those you have numbers for.

Won't help now, but make the RSVPs nearer to the date you give them out in future, because people tend to forget, though you might think these days it shouldn't be that hard.

I did paper invites for a nursery party and did have to chase. One of them was because the paper invite had been given to one parent, but they had split up and it was the other parent due to have the child that particular weekend.

I’m like you op, i don’t have a class WA group, but a whole year one (90 kids). I’m doing a whole class party in Oct so my plan is to send paper invites then send a message to the whole WA group to say ‘everyone in Smith class should get an invite today, please let me know if you don’t get one’

Tbh i will be doing this as well, more because i am allowed a max no. of kids and there are others outside of school that could be invited.

Maybe few days before the deadline send a reminder message and tell them that you are trying to figure out the numbers and if they can tell you if they can or cannot come. I hate when people take forever. Even when we cannot make it, we always send a message to let people know.