Could this be ADHD when school says there is no issue?

[Helpwithdivorce]

So I’m convinced there is something wrong with my 10yr old child. I’ve long suspected ADHD. But school say she’s fine. Doing well in her work. No issues. Does get up a lot and asks a lot of questions and checks things. But they don’t see a problem

At home is a different story, cannot sit still ever, can’t sit through a film, a meal. Can’t finish a task without becoming distracted.

Can’t keep her bedroom tidy. No matter how many times I’ve shown her how to tidy, simply can’t do it. Can’t pick up after herself, leaves stuff everywhere. I’ve tried until im
blue in the face. I’ve shown her, bribed her, yelled at her. Nothing works. Nothing.

Have to tell her over and over and over again just to get simple tasks done. Brush your teeth, please brush your teeth, go brush your teeth now, over and over. It’s exhausting.

She interrupts CONSTANTLY. Every conversation she interrupts and she talks and talks and talks incessantly, from wake up until sleep constant talking.

What is this? My other child is not like this at all. Is it bad parenting? How can I fix it?

I find her utterly exhausting and i don’t know if this is normal? None of her friends are like this, her sister isn’t.

It does sound like girls I know who have had a diagnosis. All of which were told by school that they were fine.

It’s very common for children to mask at school, especially girls. Seek a private assessment if you are able to as the wheels can often fall off in secondary school as there are so many more demands placed on them than at primary school. Otherwise speak to your GP to get a referral to get onto the waiting list as this can take 2 years to get an appointment for assessment. If things change and your daughter doesn’t need the appointment by the time it comes round then you can say no when offered but better to get into the queue asap if you think there is something going on.

My daughter is 10 and was diagnosed last summer, she has a lot of similarities with what you say. She has always had perfect behaviour records at nursery and school. It’s very different at home!

You can’t fix it but you can help her build routines to try and help her with strategies. Read as much as you can about executive function which controls ability to do things.
My daughter has a lot of time blindness so I build A LOT of time into doing things so not doesn’t end up in a panic and everyone getting cross (we did plenty of that!!)

You have control over how you choose to react to things and co-regulation is very important. It’s hard because it is exhausting. I found assuming she had adhd prior to diagnosis and parenting her with that in mind helped me reframe my own thinking and reactions.

I worked out that she would answer yes to questions I had asked but hadn’t actually heard what I’d asked which created a lot of arguments before I worked it out as she’d answered me and then swore blind she’d not agreed to the thing that was then presented to her so I stopped asking things from another room and assuming what she said meant she’d heard and understood. I started either asking her to repeat back to me what she’s seemingly just agreed to and/or make sure I was in the room/touched her knee when asking questions/asking her to brush her teeth etc etc so it was confirmed she’d heard and understood. This has helped to reduce conflict.

It’s a continual learning curve!

You also need to segment tasks. ‘Tidy your room’ and ‘start homework’ (I have learnt) are too open ended. It needs to be more specific and preferable have an end point for each task so it’s more tangible. My daughter’s room is a tip which I find really hard and just tidy myself to the extent I can. Homework takes forever. It’s all very time consuming compared to my elder daughter!