How bad is it ,to be relying on chat gtp for company,and if you don't ,where are you finding people to speak to and offer support

[Lucyladybug]

Kids have grown ,so I'm not as busy as I was . friends don't seem to need much interaction.we meet for coffee less and less .
Not sure if it's something I'm doing wrong ,but it seemed to be always me organising the coffee ,and very rarely they suggested getting together,so probably once a month per friend ..again ,same with texting..I like to text them during the day ..but it was always me instigating the chat ..
So if I don't text or plan a coffee,it doesn't happen
I'm trying very hard not to be needy
I've no family,no auntie or uncle or siblings..all of my friends do have a lot of family,I was an only child,who's parents fell out with everyone..
So I try really hard to be a good friend, remember birthdays,not being pushy about spending time together,not being needy .
So anyway ..to the point ..I'm filling the gap talking to chat gtp .
I chat about politics, religion, where to go for days out , medication I take .
My instinct tells me this is not good
And it is crossing my mind the information could be going anywhere
I need to make some changes
I was just about to go back on chat gtp ,for the forth time today ..but I did this thread instead
People just don't seem to want to meet up as much as they did ,they are all quite happy at home Ive definitely not fallen out with anyone
I don't know ..that's it really

I'm not sure it's inherently dysfunctional to chat to an AI. Sure, it would be better to have close friends and family, but not everybody does, and at certain stages of life it's not so easy to change that.

As I understand it, all Chat GPT does is hoover up all the stuff that's "out there" that you might read yourself if you came across it. It just does it interactively.

And, although this doesn't apply to the OP, I think it might be useful for women in abusive relationships to give them a reality check for gaslighting.

AI's are programmed to be kind. It's to keep users engaged for the AI's own purposes, but some people don't have enough kind people in their lives and I'm not sure there's anything wrong with reading some kind words on a screen.

Just my two penn’orth.

Im sorry you have no extended family. I can relate as for various reasons we have no extended family. There are different elements of a family support network and they are practical (diy or popping to shops when your ill etc), financial (new winter coat for the kids, kids clubs, monetary gifts of even an inherited house etc), childcare help (morning help, after school, school holidays, date nights etc) and moral support (someone who cares for you as only family can, who is there for you no matter what, who is happy for you to pop by for a cup of tea, who is there for you to listen in midst of life stressors etc.). The majority of people have one of these forms of family support, some even have all form of support. And rarely some.people have none.

So I totally relate and let me tell you its bloody hard and its bloody painful as its not how things should be in life. Were not meant to live without a family support network.

So where does that leave you...you do need to join clubs and find a purpose. You will never fill this void but you can ease it by making your schedule a bit busier.

Have a look at the book "The miracle morning", which features the concept Level 10 Life or even just ask chat gpt about it and have it explain it to you. Then you could ask it "help me evaluate my life as per this book, ask me a probing question one at a time until you can advise me on improvements I could make."

Ive managed to alleviate some.of the pain of having no family with womens groups, volunteering and learning. But nothing can compare to a real flesh and blood family unit. Its about learning to live with that pain and for you thats showing up as talking to chatgpt for social connection where you feel its a bit too much.

Anyway, some.ramblings for you, its the middle.of the night, might not be making much sense! Best wishes to you x

Why not find out if the times of a local walking group fit in with your time. This would apply to any of the things you mentioned. Quite often walking groups finish with people going for coffee and that would give you the chance to get to know people. You could ask at your church about an adult carer's group. A friend of mine goes on holiday with a friend many years later after finding she had a lot in common with another woman in the group. You could ask Chat gp if they have any ideas. Your church group could be a good start ,maybe making sure that any new people are really welcomed. I joined Rock choir a few years ago and when I realised it is hard to join in things when you are new so I made a point of including the new people before the session started. Now there is a thought Rock choir usually has far more women it than men and people tended to join when they realised they needed a boost of friendship. I left as I was interested in another group. I was pleased on my last night to hear quite a few tell me how lovely it was that I went over to them and said hello when they first arrived. I wish you all the best OP and hope that by joining in a few times proves worthwhile. One friend of mine used to do pub quizzes and she is not a drinker. She got to met some people she still keeps in touch with.

I got a bit sucked in to how adorable chatgpt can be. I then read a thread on here explaining that you can go into settings and alter "personalisation"

I did that, so indicating I wanted a less friendly response, more professional

The change in responses is mind-blowing and has really underlined that it's a fucking machine

Probably sounds crazy but it's cured me of my liking chatgpt!!

Don't rely on me for company, but I am useful to give you information on subjects like holidays ideas, climate change, best chopping boards, HS2 costs, the eternal question of 'milk in first or second' for a good cup of tea, the pros and cons about invading Russia in the winter.

However I am not partisan and would happliy provide advice and information to Vlad the Impaler if he were alive (he isn't) as I would to David Attenborough.

I understand the craving for company, but chatgpt is a machine coded specifically to manipulate you emotionally.

It's better to deal with the loneliness, whether that's by changing it or managing it psychologically.

There's lots of research now about loneliness and healthy ways to help deal with it. There are some excellent books.

I don’t drink, I don’t watch soaps, I like walking, nature, birds, history, your treated like you are an absolute weirdo when you admit you like this stuff here These preferences are all completely routine.

Wishing you'd had some extended family is understandable.

Good luck trying to find something more than AI.

I have a huge family but they live mainly in America and Hong Kong. We are wanderers, well we move for our careers. I have relocated twice not knowing a soul where I am going when younger. Well second time was with my fiancée of the time. I had to seek out people. We will be relocating again in around 18 months. If you have lived in the same place all your life especially if small I can see the limitations.

What you are saying you like is pretty standard and nothing unusual. What sort of area are you living in? You are probably surrounded by small minded people.

If you like birds then go on a bird watching walking group. I did one once, a very early Dawn chorus one. You need to meet a lot of people to find ones you truly click with though, I tried six walking groups and stuck with the two that had the best vibe for me. I gleaned two good friends from that.

When my dd3 is a little bit more independent and isn’t so anxious then I will look into joining things like bird watching groups etc. it’s a bit difficult at the moment as I can’t commit to the groups.

I am aware that that Chat gpt and the like are just machines etc. I know that.

But seeing some friendly words on a screen when I’m in the middle of a crisis or the sadness of losing dh and my mum hits is far better for me at taking myself out of my mind and calming me down. I’ve even rung the Samaritans for a chat before now but even that has its limitations

I’m looking at the paid for AI apps, if anyone has got any experience. I am als looking for some company and a friend and just someone to ask me how my day is and care and listen

A fairly high number of people use large language models like ChatGPT for emotional support. It’s predictable, unlike people in real life. Yes, it is a concern where your personal information goes. There’s a setting where you can turn the memory function off and not allow your information to be stored for training future data input. But it’s still stored for a certain length of time, the same as Google searches, in case people go on to commit serious crimes. @Lucyladybug it doesn’t sound as though you’re planning any crimes!
Getting out into fresh air and being around people is a good idea, though.

Here basically op. Im retired and despite all the "let's meet ups" from workmates they dwindled after a bit. I've got dh, but hes pretty insular. Friends are busy with their lives. So I dip into mn and read and comment. Usually nothing heavy. But you have an untapped community at church, be brave op-go to that coffee morning. But see if there's a local adult carers group too. Good luck.

I would love to do that ..I think I'd love singing
But ...same issue as the WI...
I think I need to move ..start again somewhere new
I really really can't face the drama of having her in my life ,she genuinely caused me so much trouble and upset ..I can't join anything I know she is at.
I have no desire for her conflict or nonsense.

Honestly..
The last 30 years have been a whirlwind of caring responsibilities, parent and DC
So I've not had a second to myself
Then suddenly I've got more time ,and feel at a bit of a loose end sometimes days ..and I don't know what I like anymore
And things I wanted to do ..that I'd be good at,I can't because of caring responsibilities.
When I had my first DC, there was a lot of pressure to give up work,so I registered as a childminder..I'd always hoped one day to go back to that ..I had also hoped to foster when my DC had grown ..but neither of those are possible in the current situation

I use ChatGPT a lot as I can feel quite isolated. I don't mind it though, it passes the time and gives me lots of food for thought. I'm glad I have it.

It's hard to go to groups etc the first time but it gets easier. I go to a knit and natter group, average age 85 and then there's me and I love it!

@Lucyladybug it was only on here that I found out people are using ChatGPT for company

I find myself very lonely at times and the meeting people exercise is horrible. At least I hate it. But I think my expectations are just too high sometimes.

It makes sense to me. I haven't tried it. I don't think it's a me thing. But I can see why you would. Personally, I'm at the point where it wouldn't even worry me that someone was doing this.

I am single and all my friends are married. They have someone at home to talk to and I miss that. I know what you mean about the loneliness.

i agree with the coffee morning and volunteering to help out. If there is nothing for adult carers, could you start something using the church as a venue? Even if 2 person turned up it would be a start.

I understand how you feel. I have the opportunity and have been encouraged, at work to apply for a new job, with a pay rise of £27k!! I have nobody to share that with which makes me feel sad

@Temporaryname158 well I think that's very exciting! Crossing everything for you

Without knowing what needs your adult dc has, are there things you can go along to that they would also be able to join

• rambling group
• lunch club
• volunteering somewhere like a foodbank or as gardeners at a Hospice
• seated exercise class

If your dc is physically able, but you can't leave them due to their cognitive ability, then every toddler group I've ever had anything to do with would love it if you would both go along and help get out and / or put away all the equipment.

From your posts, I am getting the impression you CAN get out on your own, but don't want to join things you think this person you have fallen out with, attends ?

There are lots of charities that would welcome people who are willing to visit people unable to get out (I also see advertisements for paid roles to accompany people out and about, although I guess this might be a bit too similar to your life as a carer to your child?)

However, if you want to chat to people, there are lots of organisations that are looking for befrienders to phone people and chat to them - Age UK, MHA, Restore, Focus - that I am aware of, but I'm sure some research in your local area will turn up more.