Do you have separate friends to your husband?

[gettingmyvoiceback]

I have seen it mentioned a few times on here that people’s partners have different friends, are these childhood friends?
We relocated from our home town shortly after we met which was 16 years ago and since then all our friends have been couples, some we met at the school gates and had play dates while the kids were small and remained friends, some were couples we met, neighbours are couples and we always do things as couples if that’s having a couple over for a bbq or drinks or being invited out as a couple, weekends away or whatever but it’s always been mutual friendships between both of us and the other couple.
I thought this was normal unless you have childhood friends that you grew up with.
Is this particularly strange then?
I was thinking about people I know and how I’ve never seen my brother without his wife and if they have friends over or go out for meals or events it is always with another couple.
I am not talking about single friends I am referring to friends you have but your husband doesn’t know or see socially or vice versa.
If I text a friend to see if they are free, they will assume it’s the whole family and say let me speak to other half and check we are and so would I and remember my parent always referring to their friends by surnames like we are having the browns over or going out with the smiths today.

I have old school friends, old work friends (not many) and hobby friends. DH has met and socialised with most of my old school friends and their partners but most of our meet ups are partner and child free! He doesn’t know my old work friends or my hobby friends.
He has old uni friends, old work friends and hobby friends, I’ve met many of them and their partners but mostly they socialise without partners. I thought that was normal?

Mostly joint friends in the country where we live (I’m an expat, he’s a citizen), but I have my own friends from the 35 years before I emigrated and met him.

We have one couple we are both friends with, but the rest of our friends are separate. Mine from work, choir, school gate. His from work, hobbies.

Of course married couples have separate friends

Work friends (current or past)
Friends from uni (x3-4 groups if you did undergrad, MSc, PhD, post doc quals)
Friends you made through children (other parents)
Gym friends
Dog walking friends
Hobby friends
Childhood friends
Friends from home town if you moved away

I am not married, but I am in a long term relationship (quite a number of years now). We don't have any mutual friends. I don't see his friends as they are mostly in his home town so he sees them when he visits (it's a long way away, I don't tend to go with him, if I do I wouldn't tag along on a lads meet up). His other friends are from a hobby, whom he sees doing that hobby.

My female friends are either single or have young children, so we don't really do socialising as couples. Not going to take my partner to a girls outing either as it completely changes the dynamic.

He has met my closest friends, but only in the last few months because there was a family wedding.

While we know each other’s friends, we don’t do everything together. DH had school friends and football friends. Meet ups with families or as couples do happen but rarely.
We do have friends we see almost always as a couple but also I will do stuff with the wives only or DH with the ‘lads’.
Our ‘school parent’ friends started off with me doing stuff with the Mums and then we’d meet up as families and now the children are older we do stuff as couples sometimes.
I think it’s really important to have your own friends. My parents have mostly socialised as a couple with three other couples. Sadly two of the husbands have died. It’s really affected how they socialise as the widowers are understandably finding it too difficult to meet up all together and are preferring it to just be the women which has had a massive impact on my Dad and the other husband.

I think it's definitely harder when you relocate. Neither DH or I are from the area we now live originally so our childhood friends are at a totally different end of the country.

Most of our friends we met as a couple through having DDs so antenatal group, school etc. We are lucky that we have a big group of "school parent" friends that we see regularly but that tends to be me going out with the mums and DH going out with the dads, although we do have a joint holiday together as couples and all the kids together every year.

My best friend is definitely "my" friend though, I met her at an exercise class and both DH and I have work friends we see separately.

Mostly separate, but in most cases we do know the partner but don’t always socialise together, it’s a total mix.

So:

My school friends - I see individually and in groups, sometimes with partners, sometimes without. Arrangements are all made through me, DH isn’t in contact with any of them separately apart from maybe FB friends.

DH’s uni friends - the same but the other way round. We met a long time post-uni.

Siblings and their partners (both sides), cousins etc - see separately and together.

School gate type friends - the primary friendships are between the women but in a lot of cases the men join us occasionally to go to the pub or if someone has a party, but the women meet either in groups or separately maybe once a fortnight, male partners once or twice a year.

Friends made through work - nearly always completely separate, DH doesn’t tend to keep in touch once he’s left, I still see 4 or 5 people from former jobs

Friends through hobbies locally - mainly separate although sometimes in couples.

I’d say about 90% of my socialising is separate from DH. It’s easier to organise and I don’t like being in his pocket. I can only think of one person I know who won’t socialise without her husband and we all think it’s a bit odd.

edited to say odd as in unusual, not in a negative way

I don’t think we actually have any friends as a couple really.
I have a couple of old work friends I’m still in touch with and might see for coffee occasionally- my partner knows them by name and might recognise them if he walked past them but he wouldn’t come with me to meet them or consider them friends.
Then I have mum friends I have met through my 4 year old DD who again he would know by name and probably be able to tell you the child’s name but either hasn’t met or has only met briefly at DD birthday party.
I also have some old families friends I would meet with my sister or with my parents who I would consider friends and he wouldn’t know.
However I don’t have a large social circle and nor does he.
He has an old childhood friend who I kind of know but don’t really get on with much so don’t generally join them when they meet up. Then friends from work and friends from a hobby I’m not involved in so wouldn’t know at all.