Old trauma resurfaced

[Unwelcomeknocking]

I was assaulted when I was 10. This was a long time ago and I have coped well and I had support.
Something stupid and random happened and the memories have started to return and I’m struggling to keep them contained and I really don’t want to open up this whole can of worms again.

I know that the only sensible advice will be “therapy”, but this will take time and right now I’m just angry and embarrassed at feeling like this.
Not to drip feed. He was the same age as me, never received any punishment as far as I know. I might be wrong. But as I just learned this week it looks like he’s done quite well for himself and I feel so resentful about everything that happened.

Rant over for now. I just had to get it off my chest because it is so bloody unfair.

Sending (((hugs)))

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I massively sympathise. When something horrendous happens and you work hard to get through it, it seems grossly unfair when something reawakens the trauma. You have done so well and you will get through this. My DD always reminds me that you can do hard things and you can too.
Unfortunately I don’t believe in karma but, whilst it feels very wrong that he seems to be doing well, you both know the truth and I’m sure you’d rather be you than him. 💐

Also please don’t feel embarrassed. I have just read Gisele Pelicot’s book Shame Has to Change Sides and I think the title says it all.

So sorry, that’s wretched. What resources do you have at the moment? Do you have good friends and family around you? Who can support? Do you currently do things for yourself that are nourishing? Do you have strategies for settling your system? Can you find ways to give yourself some space just now a bit of time off or time away? Basically find ways to take really really good care of yourself right now. Sending good thoughts.

Absolutely no need to be embarrassed. I only found out last year, in middle age, that my sister had experienced CSA from the same person I did, and it made me a virtual zombie for a while. New memories, but I also sort of zoned out and barely left the house for a few weeks. (I WFH but had to cancel a work trip.)

I was already seeing a therapist, but it did help in time. 💐