Colleague asked when I was due after my recent TFMR

[Sideofnoreturn]

I bumped into a colleague I haven’t seen for a few months last week and she asked me when I was due. I’m not pregnant.

I had a tfmr in early May at 12 weeks. I had very bad pregnancy sickness and put on a stone during the pregnancy, which I haven’t yet lost, so I can see why she asked it, but I was absolutely mortified. I was with a group of other colleagues (none of whom know about what happened) and I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I had been starting to feel better about the mc but this has set me right back - I’ve been crying non stop since it happened. I’ve been able to wfh this week because of the heat but im
literally dreading going back to work and facing all these people again. I had been kidding myself that no one had noticed but now feel like they’ve probably all been looking at my body and speculating. I feel totally miserable. Not sure what I’m looking for here - probably just some sympathy!

This is so sad.
A similar story happened to a colleague and a short email was sent through our department from our team leader to say she had sadly lost the baby, wished for privacy but to please be as normal as possible around her. It worked, nobody asked her questions unless she spoke about it. It’s not something you can sadly just keep to yourself. If people knew you were pregnant they will naturally expect a baby/maternity leave so this is quick way of shutting questions down without you having to do it.

All the best to you. Horrible situation.

Really sorry this happened. Like @Floppyearedlab says, a discrete email from HR asking people to give you privacy after your loss is the appropriate way to go. You don't need to be specific about TFMR - it's still a loss and you deserve the same compassion and kindness as with any other kind of pregnancy loss.

OP I'm really sorry about the tfmr - that must have been very upsetting 💐

I just wanted to share that I was on a dog walk once and a man asked when I was due. I was a bit bloated perhaps and standing with my hands on my hips. I was mortified to say I wasn't pregnant. Another time someone offered me a seat on the tube and it was only after I worked out why!

It made me feel very paranoid/upset. However, if you look around at women loads of people have a little bump. It's the way many of are imperfect bodies are. It was a life lesson for me never to assume.

I totally get the embarrassment and understand how you feel. However, just wanted you to know it happens to loads of women and you aren't alone in having some idiot asking the question ❤️

Thank you. Just to confirm, no one at work knew I was pregnant. I didn’t even tell HR - my GP’s sick note just mentioned recovery after surgery. So it’s not a case of everyone knowing and then reasonably expecting that id still be pregnant - this colleague assumed based on my appearance, which is why it was so upsetting. I now feel I look hideous as well as everything else. I had actually tried to dress up nicely as we had an event that evening. I honestly felt like I’d been stabbed when she said it.

No one should be asking this very impertinent question! Its very rude ,so many people arent a correct "slim" shape .Please ignore and take no notice at all