Should I take my son a cooler T-shirt to college?

[Ketley67]

DS 17 has phoned from college asking if I can take him a different t shirt as he’s too hot (it’s made out of thick fabric). I said no.

Im off work today but I can’t be bothered to drive across town in this heat with no air con when I’ll be going to pick him up in 2 hours. It would take me all of about 10mins.

Am I a meany or should he just suck it up?

Astonishingly enough, not all cars have air conditioning.

The fact your son rang to ask for a t shirt kinda hints that he is used to you bailing him out. I used to be that sort of parent too. (So was my Mum). Its ok for him to be gently encouraged to take personal responsibility. I hope he checks the weather forecast in future.

(In my day ! it would be humiliating to have any parent to turn up at college. So uncool muuuuum. Times have changed).

Not bailing him out as such but we’ve definitely become the go to option out of his friend group for lifts, house to hang out at etc.

Im happy to do it but feel like I need to draw a line on certain things, like this.

He's 17. Surely he saw the weather reports for the next few days. His fault he didn't dress appropriately. It'll teach him to think next time.

Teenage boys since time immemorial have worn the wrong things at the wrong time of year, quite often against the specific advice of their poor benighted mothers.

Yes, he'll be more comfortable if you had taken the shirt, but next time he might just think for himself.

Do some of you have helicopters?

Right, so unlike the OP then, who doesn’t have air con?

Update please OP. Did he survive and learn to be more independent or just have a massive strop?

I’m voting mean. It’s a small act of kindness and 10 mins out of your day.

Yes, putting aside the ridiculous expectation that his DM should run around after him how is it possible to 'drive across town' in less than 5 minutes, find somewhere to park drop off the t shirt and get home so the errand only takes 10 mins?

If he shit his pants fair enough but a thinner t shirt???

He survived! No mention of the t shirt.

I would do this for my child, or my husband, or any relative or friend and I would think nothing of asking someone to do it for me. Different folks different strokes I guess 🤷‍♀️.

When I was a similar age my parents had divorced and found new partners, their new partners would get jealous if my parents did anything for me and they would be gratified by any way they distanced themselves from me. I’m probably sooo off piste but I don’t suppose you have a new boyfriend??

You are ABSOLUTELY right. He's 17!!

Good. You've taught him a tough life lesson - be aware of your surroundings and conditions and dress and behave accordingly. Mum is not always at your beck and call because you cocked up.

I would because I am a big softie.

I’d do it, because I’d also hope that someone who loved me would do a favour like this for me if I asked. Not everything has to be an opportunity to ‘learn a lesson’.

Hilarious.

Have you not considered that not everyone owns a car with air con?

OP said it would take her 10 minutes

It was op who said it would only take her ten mins 😂

My parents were like this, wanted me to stand on my own two feet and everything had to be a big life lesson to learn consequences. God forbid I make a mistake. But the result was now as an adult I don’t feel comfortable to ask them for help with anything because of the years they made it clear I was putting them out, and that they were judging me for not being able to handle things myself.
unfortunately for them now I’m in my 30s with dc and they’re retired, they now want to help (when it works for them) because they want to be involved with my life again and be around dc more. They can’t figure out why them saying ‘but we want to help now’ hasn’t erased that feeling for me. So personally, I think no you don’t have to help him, but I would because I want dc to feel comfortable coming to me.

No not at all, DH of 26 years. Literally just trying not to molly coddle DS too much and being unsure of where the line is.

Sorry, my post has brought all that up for you. I do a lot for DS, our relationship really isn’t like your parents at all I just don’t want to be at his beck and call. There’s a middle ground to be found.

I would, and then when I want help I’d expect him to help me without complaint.

@Ketley67 thats fair, you know your relationship best and you know how much he relies on you too. I would maybe say though that maybe you could just not do extra things for him when it’ll really put you out, rather than just when it’s a bit inconvenient. That would be my line, but again you know your situation best