Is there anything to be done to help my dad (mum)?

[Kingfisherfly]

Both in their 80s, mentally sharp but struggling with mobility.

Mum follows all the medical advise, does her exercises, keeps as active as she can, but that for her currently means moving around the house (and still doing all the cooking and housework) with a frame, and venturing into the garden or very short walks round the block with a walker.

Dad has decided he can't do anything, won't take the prescribed pain relief because side effects, physios are all rubbish because they just give you exercises to do at home and has basically become surgically attached to the sofa.

Both have decided they can no longer drive (probably good) but despite being very comfortably off won't use taxis.

My DS did a BBQ at the weekend. Offered to pick them up, offered to borrow a wheelchair to wheel dad straight into the garden (live close), but he wasn't up to it and Mum refused to come without him.

So they're both housebound, and whilst things aren't easy for them, they don't need to be housebound.

The decline is shockingly fast. During lockdown they were walking miles and refusing to believe they were in the old = vulnerable category.

It's so frustrating that it's restricting mum as well as Dad. He tells her to go without him but she won't.

There’s plenty that can be done, but not if they aren’t willing.

Google ‘rebuilding mum and dad.’

Frail old lady could only shuffle a few steps with a Walker, took up weight lifting at 83 and is now walking upright, without a walker. It’s amazing to see the difference, their daughter has posted their journey on TikTok and YouTube.

Sadly, unless they want to help themselves, you can’t make them do anything. Your dads reluctance to do physio, although baffling, is very common. Older people don’t seem to understand that building muscle strength helps support joints and can reduce pain. It sounds like he’s just given up. Is he depressed? Pain is awful to live with daily, and side effects for some meds are awful. Would they go out and do chair yoga or swimming together? I imagine not if they won’t even attend a family Bbq. Would they go out to a lunch club or something at least? U3A? Reading group?

If there is a social prescriber in your area they may be able to connect them with something motivational perhaps, but it sounds like they maybe just want to stay at home.

As the PP has mentioned, it does sound as if your dad is somewhat depressed, and the loyalty your mum feels toward him is bringing her down with him.
Have you had your dad to the gp?
You said he is worried about side effects, but there are antidepressants that are suitable to the elderly and they have few side effects compared to the older antidepressants.
If you look up Arthritis UK, they outline many different types of exercises that can be done from a chair, and I'm sure they have a lot of helpful ideas on how to gently get your DPs feeling stronger and more able and willing to do things.
It really is up to them and I wonder if your mum is more willing to get back to how she felt just a handful of years earlier? Try to get your dad away from the feeling of having given up, and I hope all goes well.