Has anyone backed out of a planned operation because your anxiety/nerves got the better of you?

[BellaBobandBernietoo]

That's the exact predicament I am in right now.

I have struggled with gynae/period problems for decades. Eventually opting for a uterine ablation 4 years ago, I asked the gynae endless questions as I was concerned about it failing (apparently it has a high failure rate) - he is a lovely guy but he actually laughed at me for asking so many questions and reassured me all would be ok, so I trusted him. It wasn't ok though, 6 months after the op every period was agony, absolute agony. A year later he agreed that it had failed, I pushed for a MRI to find out exactly what was going on only to discover I actually have endometriosis and also adenomyosis, I later discovered he knew I had a small area of adeno which was noted on a past US scans. The ablation has exacerbated this issue as it's now diffuse- this was back in 2023 and I was 51 at the time.

I was moved over to an endo gynae, who tried to put me off a hysterectomy explaining all of the things which could go wrong - I am a big worrier and over-thinker so agreed to leave it. However, each period the pain was getting worse so I went back to see him last May and he agreed to put me on a waiting list for surgery (hysterectomy with excision). He sent a long list of potential risks with the letter. I know that have to do this but some are bloody scary and with my previous experience with surgery at this hospital it has really scared me.

Anyhow, the waiting list is long and I have shelved all the worry about this in a little box in my brain and now at 53 I seem to be coming out of perimenopause and the pain is nowhere near as bad the last few months, in fact it's almost non-existent.

But yesterday I received a message on my patient portal notifying me my pre-op appointment is at the end of next month which means the op will be soon.

It's an understatement to say I am terrified and all of my major anxiety over this is pouring out, I couldn't sleep last night thinking about the risk of anaesthesia (I really worry about reactions, not waking up etc), the risk of post op bleeding and infections such as sepsis, the risk of them nicking my bowel and dying that way (recently read about a woman who died a week after her hysterectomy), the risk of prolapse etc and the thought of all of that post op pain and the recovery of having an organ removed.

Yep, it's safe to say I am now really stressing and talking myself out of it. I suffer from anxiety and have ADHD so struggle to switch off my mind. I get myself in such a state just stepping foot in hospitals, I had a gastroscope in January and had to sit in a recovery room afterwards as I hyperventilated so much I couldn't feel my arms for half and hour - ffs!

Has anyone else cancelled a planned op because they just couldn't go through with it?

I don't know what to do, should I keep my pre-op appointment so I can talk them or is that wasting their time? It's no use talking to my gyane as he's one of those very abrupt, talk over you, know it all kind of consultant and I just don't feel comfortable telling him how scared I am as I know he will not empathise.

I think it would be worth going and explaining that your symptoms have lessened, and you can talk through everything else as well. Write down all the things you want to discuss so you don't forget them when the time comes.

Quite frankly no because a) I would have died if I hadn't had the first operation and b) I was in so much agony before the 2nd that not having the surgery was unthinkable.
Also I've worked in the NHS for 46 years, I know what's going on so don't feel fearful.
I've seen hundreds of hysterectomies and none of them were a problem. Most of the women were relieved. The ones who weren't were the very young ones who hadn't had any children and were mourning the loss of their fertility.

Thank you, I will do that and explain all my concerns.

That's why I put 'planned op' in my title. I appreciate many people have no choice with their operations as they are life saving.

I almost bottled out of my hysterectomy but I was in so much pain and losing so much blood (even though I was post-menopause) that I knew I couldn’t carry on like that. But I was absolutely terrified. I did actually have complications and I was in hospital for almost a month. I’m still glad I had it done. In fact I wish I’d done it years before! Thousands of women have hysterectomies every year, the odds of a successful op are massively in your favour. And even in the minority of cases where things do go wrong, those things are usually fixable. Go for it OP, you won’t regret it!

My DH turned down an "essential" stem cell transplant procedure for his cancer despite his haematologist and the regional "specialist" telling him his life expectancy would only be around 18 months if he didn't have it.

9 years later, he's still here and still enjoying a fairly normal life considering he's on lifetime chemotherapy which has bad side effects.

Meanwhile, someone he knew from his prior chemotherapy appointments went through it, lost several months of "useful" life as it's a very protracted procedure with very long recovery time, and died of a hospital acquired infection a few months later!

Sometimes you need to do your own research, and your own due diligence rather than allow yourself to be badgered into what the doctors think is best for you. After all, to them, you're only a patient number. DH's research led him to discover that even with the stem cell transplant, he'd still have been on lifetime chemotherapy - something his consultant/specialist didn't bother telling him, so lots of risk and virtually no benefit!

I had a planned hysterectomy (abdominal but left my ovaries as I was only 36) .
Best decision ever. It wasn't easy for the first couple of weeks (and I had young kids at the time) but after the first fortnight when I started to recover, not only was pain gone, but I felt more well than I had for years. No cervix either no no more smears (bonus!)
Yes it's a moderate operation but it's also a really common one and outcomes are statistically very good. Mine was 20 years ago now, and no vaginal vault prolapse, no issues . I have a few bowel issues but they were the result of 4 kids in 5 years (!) not the hysterectomy. I'm HRT now that I'm menopausal and that's fine too.
Go and discuss your worries but honestly... I'd still go for it.