I had postnatal OCD with my first, which was quite paralysing. I’d constantly check on him in the night, worry a branch would break from a tree and crush his pram, or that a car would round a corner, ride over the kerb and crush him. It was awful but I had a wonderful course of CBT and it was much better. With my second I was prepared and thankfully the OCD don’t come back.
However, I do find I am a worrier when it comes to DC’s health. My oldest has food allergies (requiring an EpiPen), so it’s hard not to be vigilant around that. And my youngest has no allergies but somehow I have always had a feeling that she will have a short life. (Terrible, I know). So whenever she is unwell, I panic that it’s meningitis, or if she wees twice in a row, I think it must be diabetes, or today she’s had a headache and I think it is probably a brain tumour because she’s been tired the past couple of days. Logically and rationally, I can say she has probably been tired because she’s got whatever nursery bug is going around but in my head I can’t stop spinning out that this is the thing that will be fatal and my horrible awful premonition is true. (To be clear: I do not want to hurt her and it is not a feeling that I will hurt her, but a feeling that she will die early of an illness or accident.)
I confessed this to DH tonight and he was kind and supportive but I’m wondering if this is something other people experience and how to manage it. In the day to day I don’t worry about her as much as I did my oldest when he was just born, but still it is awful to go through. I have tried some of the CBT techniques and they don’t seem to work as well anymore. I still check on them both every night before i go to bed.