Small talk

[CaptBirdsEar]

I find small talk difficult, with friends, acquaintances and sometimes even family. Anyone else suffer? What do you do/say to keep conversations flowing?

I love small talk! What do you think you find tricky about it? People generally like to talk about themselves and almost everyone has something interesting to say, do you try sky ask questions?

I do too, @CaptBirdsEar . My family can talk and I find it quite boring and I don't have anything to say so I just add the odd question or make 'mm' and 'uh uh' noises if possible.
Ask open questions not ones that can be answered with Yes or No.

Depends, if it’s a work type situation I can do it. If it’s a stranger when I’m out and about I don’t bother

Same here. If I try it, I feel forced and very uncomfortable. It sounds daft, but if I force it too much, I cry. Not bawling crying, but my eyes produce tears. Growing up, I was told I was "very economical with my words".

Many people are just happy to talk about themselves, so I let them get on with it.

Trouble is I can never think of an open question to ask.

Have you seen any good films lately? What holidays are you thinking of booking? Have you ever fancied trying a new hobby, sport, craft? Lots of things to go down, maybe ask chatgpt for some ideas...

I love small talk - it’s easy - just feign interest about a person and ask them a question about themselves, or make a comment about the weather, news, etc.. I’ve taught my children to do this as it’s polite to do so, not force a person into an awkward silence. if they don’t engage, it’s not personal, just make your excuses and leave/read your phone/disengage politely.

What sort of circumstances do you have to do it though? Is it in places you have to be like work events?

Well, it will depend on who you’re talking to — I don’t think I have any all-purpose open questions. I’ve had interesting recent chats with the post office staff, neighbours I don’t know and some new people who took over the cafe about the history of the area (were fairly new), acting (a neighbour does am dram), the bit of the county they’re originally from, who was living in our house in the recently-released census from 1926 etc etc.

If it’s a work event or a wedding etc then surely you just say something about the event.

If it’s some stranger on a bus; you don’t have to do it at all. Just look away.

I literally can't do it. I'll either clam up, look away or just say I need the toilet and leave the room. I can't do phones either.

But surely, if it’s your family, it’s past the small talk stage — unless they’re very distant family you see seldom?

Family I don’t see often, and grandkids are on a different wavelength to me! I just wish I were more confident but I lost that when my husband died

@Beachdrift , they seem to want a constant stream of chatter. They can't seem to have any bits of not talking.
I just don't have anything to say a lot of the time.

What I might say will be used in conversations with other people, and because they don't really listen, what they say I've said won't be true or it will be skewed.

I don't struggle with small talk with strangers unless I want to make a good impression.

some people listen, some add their own stories, its certainy an art at times, sometimes you dont know what to say etc

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