How did you decide on another baby after difficult pregnancy and PND?

[postnatalTrauma]

How do find the courage to have another baby if you’ve been through a difficult pregnancy a terrible breastfeeding journey and severe PND?

I know people say every pregnancy is different but what if it’s not ? I know PND doesn’t always happen but is it more likely?
I’ve tried in the past to give dd a sibling and then I panicked and had terminations.

I’ve had counselling, I’ve tried to get everything in place to make things as easy as possible if it is difficult but now at the point of starting ttc again I’m terrified. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it ? Has anyone been through this and can reassure me it was ok? I feel torn between wanting another baby but the absolute fear especially over PND is stressing me so much

I had HG, a traumatic EMCS, and PPD with DC1. I decided that the benefits of knowing another human being, having them as a little friend, and the benefits for my existing child of having a friend, outweighed the potential pitfalls.
I love DC2 with all my heart but if I'd known I'd get PPP the second time around, be sexually assaulted in the PN ward by a doctor, make 7 attempts on my life before getting any (barely-existent) help, and ultimately be diagnosed with (predominantly depressive) bipolar disorder, I think I would have probably stopped at one. I wanted three, but I had to accept that two was as many as I could have in the end.
It sounds like you're looking for people to convince you to overcome your fear, but fear is there for a reason. Only you can know if another child is beyond your capacity, your means, your existing space, your support network etc. At the end of the day if you can't go through all that again, or new problems (every pregnancy is different), forcing yourself to do it might not be the right answer because if your mental health plummets again, that will affect both children. Conversely if you think you'll be fine with any possible complications arising, then go for it.

You poor thing. That sounds really hard. I don’t think the counselling has helped by the sounds of it. 💐

I had birth trauma with my firstborn- physical (both of us) and mental (me). I also had massive issues with breastfeeding and lots of guilt around that. But I was always determined to have a second. It was a totally different experience second time round. And actually really healing.

it was a risk. But my desire for another child overcame my misgivings. And I was lucky second time round. I also made sure the medical team understood at booking in how incredibly traumatic my first experience was and how I wanted everything to be different and they were amazing (it helped that I was considered high risk due to my history).

I hear your fear but I’m not sure I hear your overwhelming desire for a second child and I think you need this to get past the fear…
you do not have to have another baby It’s okay to stop at one - for any reason.

It’s also okay to consider adoption if you have enough love for a second child but can’t go through with pregnancy.

Maybe you need to let it go and.just focus on enjoying the child you have right now.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

There are some parts I know I can make sure are ok, eg by formula feeding and not even attempting breastfeeding (I have a breast condition that made it absolutely horrendous) so that’s one area where I can remove the anxiety but I think the worst fear is the PND.

I had Hg, gestational diabetes and preeclampsia and was in severe pain in the third trimester and ended up in a wheelchair till I gave birth it was so awful. I have t been able to get past 11 weeks the three times I tried again as I panicked. It makes me feel awful now too that I did that but I couldn’t carry on each time.

I had even initially been excited and got little bits but then some kind of feeling of impending doom landed on me each time with the onset of HG and I couldn’t carry on

I’ve decided to not have anymore children (my dd is 2) because of similar trauma. Difficult pregnancy, birth and postpartum.