Tw: eating disorders
im sure I’m not the only person this affects but I feel very alone with it. I’m a middle aged woman (mid 40s) who struggled a lot with anorexia and bulimia in my teens and early twenties. I still have days of hating my body and some ocassional binge/ purge cycles, but I would not say I have an active eating disorder any more. I eat healthily, exercise regularly and focus on what my body can do not how it looks.
i am a size 10 or 12 or 14 (depending on the shop). I put on some weight when i was on anti depressants and that hasn’t shifted, so i am probably the plump end of a ‘normal’ size, whatever that means.
Anyway. I am finding the prevalence of weight loss jabs really really really really fucking hard. I want them so so badly. I know they’re not meant for me (I have no health problems, no family history of high cholesterol etc, and they’re not recommended for people with a history of eating disorders) I know they’re great for other people and have really helped so many. But I am OBSESSED. It’s like an addiction. I know how I could get some (would have to lie about some things). I wake up and think about it, go to bed thinking about it. I’ve imagined how I could hide them from my husband. Everything.
obviously this behaviour alone tells me I’m not able to take the drugs. But literally every woman I know is on them. I try not to eat and obviously that makes things worse because then I’m starving and I overeat. I am too ashamed to go to the doctor about this - I wouldn’t qualify for any support anyway. It just feels like all the work i did to accept my body has gone out the window and I’m back feeling like I did at 13, the only fat kid in the room, wishing I could do something drastic to change.
Given the amount of people with eating disorders when I was growing up, I’m sure I’m not the only person feeling like this. Has anyone else found any coping strategies??