This is mainly for a vent.
Two small children. My H needs constant instruction and needs to be asked to do everything a million times, and then still won’t.
I do virtually everything for our two children. We both work. I do all the drop offs and pick ups, all the cooking, all the cleaning, and 98% of the tidying. I do absolutely all of the thinking, 100% of it. He will wilfully ignore washing up or something split, let’s say, and just assume I’ll do it. I’ll then have to tell him it needs doing. He doesn’t do it. I’ll ask him to do it. He doesn’t do it. I’ll ask him 5 more times to do it. He might eventually do it but might not.
As a recent experiment, the recycling goes here on a Monday. On Monday night I asked him to get the recycling boxes from the front garden and put them where they live. I shouldn’t need to ask him as surely he can see the boxes are out there just as well as I can, given that we both have eyes. It’s now Sunday evening, 6 days later, and they’re still sat out there.
But the main thing that sends me utterly insane is that he needs incessant direction when it comes to the kids. ‘Your daughter is talking to you, can you respond please?’ Or ‘he’s asking for juice, I’m still eating and you’ve finished, can you get it please?’ Out for a walk earlier, ‘he’s gone too far on the scooter, I’m pushing the buggy, can you call him back please?’ Basically if i don’t want to or can’t do it myself, he needs direct instruction to do it and will not just notice and do things without me asking him to.
I feel like I’m drowning from the sheer mental load. There’s no point telling me I shouldn’t have married him/had kids. Until they were born he was a model husband, claims to be feminist, supported my career, all of it the stuff they are ‘supposed’ to do.
I have had conversation upon conversation with him about how I can’t carry on like this. Just had the latest one this evening. There will be a temporary minor improvement and we’ll be straight back to normal in a week or so.
I’m not necessarily looking for solutions, I doubt there’s anything I haven’t already tried, and ultimately it’s not my shit to fix, as I’m not the one who needs constant direction and to be asked a million times to do a basic household task. This is just a vent really.