Adult son struggling with anxiety, regrets and wanting the safety of home

[Mkjj]

DS25 says he gets waves of anxiety on and off where he just focuses on ALL the things that have gone wrong in the past. Every mistake he's made. Horriblyness he experienced school, sometimes regret about how he lashed back.

Mistakes he's made with us (he feels so bad). He's worried that one day we won't be there anymore. He lives at home with us and just feels relaxed at home. He's also been a bit unsettled at work with so many changes in his team and departures. So many colleagues he's really liked and enjoyed working with have departed.

He's on holiday with a friend rn. They were initially having fun. They had a tiff, made up but ds hasn't been feeling right since then and I can tell he just wants to come home. They had a big big night out, DS got horribly drunk and was sick.

He'll be home soon and I know he wants to give me a big hug. He just wants to feel at peace and content.

He sounds as though he has very little self confidence OP.
He is an adult and you can't tell him how to manage his life but perhaps encouraging him to do CBT or similar might help him.

Stop babying him. He's 25, not 5. Everyone has regrets. No point dwelling on them.

This.

He's acting like an anxious child because he lives like, and is treated as, one.

So how is he learning to manage his anxiety? What professional help has he sought?
It's not his fault that he feels this way, but just retreating back to his parents is not the way to handle it, clearly. Time he moved out and developed some resilience - just like all of the rest of us did.

OP, your DS needs a bit more to think about - like how he’s going to get his own place/move into a shared house or flat - he needs to be independent. He needs to understand that he can’t change the past, he can only improve the future, and sitting at home with his hand-wringing mother while he dwells on what happened at school isn’t helping anyone. OP, your DS needs to leave home and become his own person. He is going to fall out with friends; he’s going to do things that he later regrets or thinks he should have handled differently - as everybody has done. He can’t be forever running home to his mother’s comforting embrace - we love our children, but part of loving them is being able to cut the apron strings.

If you are happy for him to live at home with you and he is gainfully employed, what is your main concern? It sounds like he might benefit from some counselling.
Could he have undiagnosed special needs?
Have you discussed inheritance/made wills?

I agree with absolute ASAP professional support through therapy for the anxiety.

I understand the instinct, but he is engaging in avoidance and reassurance seeking behaviours and if he does keep removing himself from situations that cause him anxiety, it will keep getting worse.

I am 32 and I WISH I had gotten therapy earlier in my life, as I now have a lot more to unpick.

Also if he drinks frequently as many young people do, it could be depleting B vitamins/folate which can also make anxiety worse (another thing I wish I knew when I was younger, going out alot and struggling with anxiety).

Gently encourage him to stick it out, remind him he will be okay, and if you want to help him properly, book him some CBT as soon as possible.

Racing thoughts/rumination are another sign of someone struggling with anxiety and not just having periods of normal every day anxiousness.

He may also want to look into if he has any food intolerances, particularly gluten or dairy, if he hasn't done this already, as it is surprising how much crossover there is between anxiety and these issues. Separately he may also want to get Vit D levels checked.

Sorry for so many seemingly random suggestions, but I am going through a spiral of anxiety myself at the moment and know how hard it can make life, so any info that could help is worth mentioning IMO.

He needs to get some therapy to manage the anxiety and then he needs to grow up and move out. He is 25 and can obviously hold down a job, it’s time to help him spread his wings.

I really feel for him. I have similar issues. It's not regrets as such but replaying cringe and embarrassing situations over and over to the point they interfere with my ability to function. I've sought help multiple times and received none. I was on antidepressants but they didn't help.

You shouldn't be being dismissed 😔

NHS guidance is so clear that if you have mental health issues that are intefering with your everyday life, you should seek help. I would pursue this as there is help available 💐