When life throws you lemons!

[DramaticEmma]

Following on from my “good vibes only” question a while back...

A lot of people replied that taking on other people’s problems was beyond their capacity to deal with, which got me wondering: when life gets really difficult, who do people actually talk to?

My DH had a breakdown and is currently under hospital care. I've been trying to keep his business running, which has affected my own work to the point where I've been demoted. Fair enough, I suppose, I wasn't exactly able to give my best, and until recently I was really at the top of my game.
Right now, though, I just feel lost and very alone.

Is this the point where people pay for therapy? I'm genuinely asking. I struggle to see how a therapist could help because what I'm dealing with isn't anxiety or imagined problems, these things are actually happening.

At the moment it feels like pushing custard uphill. Alone!

What I really want is someone to tell me that everything will be okay. Instead, it feels as though family and friends are avoiding me. It's a strange feeling.

I understand I'm not much fun to be around at the moment, and I probably look as exhausted as I feel. But I think I was naive enough to believe that these were the times when people rallied around and helped.
Maybe this is just a poor-me post. But genuinely, when life throws you lemons, who do you talk to?

Seriously. I don’t.

chat Gpt and yes I am aware of how contraversial that is but it’s all I seem to have at the moment.

im going through quite a few things at the moment and ive reached out to 3 people this weekend. Two never got back to me and one was quite dismissive and started banging on about her own problems.

i have talked to the Samaritans in the past, they’re quite good in the middle of the night

failing that I really don’t know, ive found keeping myself busy helps.

I have no dh, or extended family now either, all dead and my kids obviously can’t do anything.

its sucks.

flowers for you x

I am paying for therapy at the moment, following the sudden loss of my mum and having to take on significant caring responsibilities for my dad.

But I also have some close friends and family members who I talk to about stuff. Indeed, it was a close friend who encouraged me to think about the counselling.

It helps to talk about stuff, I think. Can you afford to pay for counselling?

Therapy isn’t limited to what you described. I think you would benefit from counselling immensely, especially if you find one who understands your husband’s diagnosis. Being able to discuss what he is going through and how it is affecting you without having to minimise it or put on a brave face I think will give you a lot of relief. They may also be able to give you some guidance on how to handle all this stress and sadness in ways that will lighten your load.

I’m sorry it has caused you to be demoted. And I’m sorry your friends and family have distanced themselves. That is more common than you might think. It happened to me and I still have no idea why.

I hope things begin to improve for you and your husband soon.

Friends, siblings, adult/older children

I've had counselling a couple of times, but not paid for by me. The first was through occupational health at work, when I was having a really hard time after my mum died.

the second was after I was diagnosed with cancer. A local cancer charity offers counselling to people with cancer and to their relatives.

I found both very helpful, although I'm not usually one to talk about myself.

I think its ok to talk to family and friends but be mindful there is a limit. Other then that online support groups, chatgpt, samaritans, counselling. You don't need to be mentally ill to get counselling.

It’s sad isn’t it, though, because society didn’t used to be like that. People had more time for each other, yeah they couldn’t necessarily solve each other’s problems but they had time for tea and sympathy.
But yes I get it life is busier and more stressful for most people now, so we don’t have the time or energy to support others, it’s a real shame.
Hopefully you might find charities or support groups where there are people in similar circumstances?

I think therapy would absolutely help. I have had a rough few years and am doing family therapy through CAMHS. The psychologists don’t actually give you solutions, which I found frustrating at first. It’s more like I talk and they ask questions like what do you think that person would do/ what do you think would happen then/ how might you say that to her/ etc. just working through feelings and possibilities and understanding. Over time, it feels really helpful just to say my problems out loud. I am solving my problems, I guess, but the psychologists lead me there.
I also talk to ChatGPT a lot. It is surprisingly helpful. I think a huge amount of people use it that way.

I’m sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time too. It sure stings when you feel your friends are just not there for you.

Personally I like helping people solve their problems and would far rather deal with other people's issues than my own.

I'm not saying this to virtue signal. It's not totally altruistic as I sort of hope I'm earning good karma, and I do lean on others sometimes.

I’m another that has experience of friends pulling away when life gets tough 🤷‍♀️😟

Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I’m fairly sure my workplace offers counselling through its wellbeing package, so I’m going to give that a try based on your insights.

I completed a course of CBT a couple of years ago for a different issue, but I didn’t feel it was particularly helpful at the time. That said, perhaps a different type of therapy would suit me better, as what I really need is someone to talk to who can help me organise and make sense of my thoughts and feelings.

Oh I feel for you. That sounds hard and rough that people have distanced. Are you usually the upbeat helping person and people don’t quite know what to do when the tables are turned? You may find counselling helpful just to have a listening ear. Why not try a session or a few and see? I had some after my marriage broke down and while it wasn’t revelatory, it was nice to have an outside opinion and someone to chat to and confirm I wasn’t missing some big piece of the puzzle.

I find relief in texting a couple of v close friends, we know we are there for each other to do a bit of a long text just discussing. One of them I met on mumsnet! We do see another in real life too but live far apart. I help them out in a similar way and we have fun texts just discussing life in between the tricky stuff too.

Therapy isn't for imaginary problems OP, it's to help find ways of living amongst the lemons. Could help.