Would moving back to my home town feel like a backward step?

[RH2025]

Hi there…some advice about moving back to the town I grew up in please ☺️ I live about 30 mins away from where I grew up now, but I’ve just sadly got out of a relationship (thankfully amicable and kids are fine!) and I’m needing to downsize our home. Where I am currently school provision isn’t brilliant, home town has fantastic grammar provisions on the doorstep (not wanting to debate grammars as I know they aren’t for everyone but I think mine would enjoy them), plus countryside and nature walks and seaside so we end up visiting there quite a bit anyway. Kids are happy to move (eldest in secondary but doesn’t like it at all, youngest starts secondary next year). I work for myself from home so that’s not an issue.
I always feel “home” when I’m there but I worry…will I get there and feel I’ve gone backwards? Or am I just being snobby about moving back to your home town (which I have no problem with other people doing im just worried I’ll feel a way about it!) Don’t have friends and family there but they’d all be within 15/20 minute drive so would have a network but also kinda be starting from scratch.
Advice and thoughts much appreciated please 🙏

There's no guarantee your children would get into the grammar, is there? What are the other schools like?

I don't see what's wrong with moving back as long as you're moving to a nice area. You're only half an hour away now anyway!

I moved back to bring up dc and never regretted it!

Why would moving back to your home town be a step backwards.

A step backwards would be having to move from a house to a flat or having to move from a place with great schools to a place with the less desirable schools.

It’s not as if you left for L.A or some far away destination, you were half an hour down the road.

You’re right, it would be contingent on them having got in to the schools 🙂

True. I did live in Australia for 10 years in the interim though 🙂

I do think it is a bit of a snobby mindset to view moving away from one's hometown as automatically superior to staying there. It's very much connected to those who see going to university as making that person superior because it tends to be the case that those who go to uni move elsewhere and those who don't "stay behind".

Are you worried about being judged by the type of people with that mindset?

If it's a nice place to live and offers what you want and need then snobbishness/judgement is the only reason anyone would view it as "backwards" to move somewhere great where you can have a happy life.

That’s fair. I think I just have this little nagging worry that I’ll get there and feel like I haven’t moved forward…it’s not rational at all I appreciate! I’m not so bothered about what other people think tbh

I was in London for 15 years and south east commuter belt for nine years since then. I starting to think I'd like to move back to my northern home town, I certainly don't think of it as a backwards step and I have a couple of friends there, my sister is up that way too. I've done well here but there's nothing wrong with going home. My kids have their lives here now, eldest just got into grammar, and I don't think it would be fair to uproot them but I have a little daydream now and then. Go for it.

I would put the grammar school thing to one side because unless that's one unicorn school, your DC are outside then usual admissions timetables so would probably be on some massive waitlist, especially the younger one. You then need to consider the knock on impact of those grammars on the "comprehensive" schools which are missing their top 20% or so of students. We have limited grammar provision in our area and even though not everyone wants to go to them (single sex) it still impacts the other schools in terms of a peer group for a bright student.

Ah thank you! And yeah I’ve been daydreaming about it too so I think that’s a good sign 🙂

What is "moving forward" though. We are in process of moving back to our home town after 20 years abroad. Back to living near the sea, near old friends and family, back to M&S and pub lunches and country walks. I don't see it as a retro move, just a new phase. Of course, we are probably a bit different to when we left, as will all the others also. I am looking forward to it, despite all the UK doom and gloom stuff.

I lived abroad for 10 years and it was amazing but it also made me appreciate all the good things about home too. And yes M&S is definitely one of them lol! All the best with the move 🙂