Anyone else in their 30s feeling flat despite a settled life?

[Handsfreeme]

I’m 30, married, and have two-year-old twin toddlers. My husband and I are financially stable, we have good savings, equity in property, and overall our life is objectively in a good place.

The problem is that I don’t always feel happy or excited about life. Some days feel repetitive and I find myself wondering what I’m looking forward to beyond the day-to-day routine of parenting, housework, and work.

I know I’m fortunate and I’m grateful for what I have, but I sometimes feel like I’ve spent so much time focusing on being responsible and building a secure life that I’ve forgotten how to create excitement, joy, and anticipation for myself.

Has anyone else experienced this in their 30s, especially with young children? What helped you feel more optimistic, engaged, and excited about everyday life again?

Sahm or work?
if work - enjoy your job?
do you exercise? Friends? Socialise?

I’m in my 50’s and I still haven’t found the answer. When my kids were small I thought it would get better when the kids were more independent, but now I’m not caring for them I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. It’s like life has no purpose. I clean the house, mow the lawn, go to work, but then what? People say travel, well I do, but then you come home. And you can’t travel permanently, and if you did it wouldn’t be special any more. A bit like it being Xmas day every day.
So if you do find the answer, let me know.

Enjoyment takes a different form when you have kids, it’s not the peak dopamine of being in a nightclub or taking off somewhere on a plan any more. It very much is a long plod.

You talk about being financially stable with your husband
but you don’t once even allude to whether you’re happy with your husband

That’s because your life has plateaued. You had the excitement of being a teenager, then being a grown up - building a career/ dating. Then you met the one and had the fun of a new relationship and falling in love. Planning a life together, marriage, kids. Every point has had a future goal. But now there’s no goal, you are just living life, it’s normal to feel a bit flat

To avoid the negative thoughts/feelings taking over, try to practice gratitude. Every day consciously remind yourself of three things you feel grateful for. When nice moments happen, consciously enjoy them and recognise them for what they are.
Also think about doing some things that give you enjoyment - a hobby, date night, catch up with friends. And start to plan things in that will bring you enjoyment.
iIf you work you could think about how to move your career forward if that’s something you would enjoy / feel positive about.
Finally try to feel comfortable with boredom/tedium. A lot of looking after young kids is boring / repetitive but it does get better as they get older. If you can accept the repetition/ tedium your body/mind will relax and be less bothered by it.

Being financially stable is safer than being financially unstable, but it isn't going to imbue a human life with meaning, satisfaction or joy.

What are your values, what is the purpose of a human life in your opinion?

Having good finances is like having good health - it makes life easier, but it doesn't make your life more fulfilling on its own.

That’s the point it’s not supposed to be special every day, so you do appreciate the special moments. Try to accept normal, it doesn’t have to be happy or unhappy there’s space in the middle.

But to answer your question the key to happiness is gratitude. Being truly grateful for what you have (the good the bad and the ugly) brings with it a peace that is a type of happiness.

Same
I woke up early this morning a little anxious about work and I just thought to myself. Is this it. Am I wasting my life...

i found the early years of parenthood to be like this. the toddler years are physically draining and you have twins, so go easy on yourself. Remember that these years won’t last forever and things will get easier once your children are older.

The reality for many of us is that this is what life is like - the daily grind of work, parenting, housework.

i had to focus my mind on the things that i did have and build enjoyment into the limited time that i did have. For example, getting into a good book, watching a series on Netflix, a bit of pampering, trying a new recipe (all things that i could fit in at home around the children).

Also, plan some nice trips out with your OH and children over the summer so you have bigger things to look forward to.

finally, i will say this gently, maybe you need to speak with your GP for a health check to rule out any underlying conditions if you feel like your own steps aren’t helping.

I have 2 young kids and feel like i’ve completely wasted my 30s being utterly miserable and exhausted with parenthood tbh.

Excitement is what your 20s are for. Surely you managed a fair amount of that before marriage and children?

Once homeownership and babies turn up contented stability is just what you all need.

I found joy in the babies growing, teaching them to swim, ride bikes. Taking them to new environments. I accepted that anything I thought I wanted to achieve individually would just have to wait.

Basically you have to enjoy your memories from pre-children for a bit and find most of your joy in being their parents now for a while.

Sounds like you might both be able to retire early so you have that to look forward to, a choice many won’t be able to achieve.

This is a very helpful way of putting it - I realised similar when I went back to work earlier this year after mat leave with my second (and last child) - that for the first time I wasn't striving for 'the next thing' either personally or professionally. I'm half enjoying it, half wondering 'what now?'.

I do get it OP, I'm trying to see the world through my kids eyes - the excitement of bubbles for instance or the playground. And build in time for me. I don't think it's a bad stage, just... different.