Dealing with a narcissistic mother

[Puddingwombles]

Does anyone have an experience of dealing with a narcissistic mother?

any tips?

Yep. Go completely NC and never look back.

Pp offers good advice. I haven't been able to do it myself. Just try to grey rock as much as possible. It's very hard.

It really is so hard isn’t it.

The emotional manipulation and the laughing when you try to get your feelings across are probably two of the things I struggle with the most.

You need to stop trying @Puddingwombles
You will not succeed in getting the reaction or understanding you want.
It's not an easy thing to accept but things do improve for you when you do.

Thank you.

i will try.

Just can’t keep going on like this, it’s draining

I sent you a PM @Puddingwombles 😀

Yes very draining. I do minimal contact I visited today. God op its exhausting. My mother lovely when its going her way. If its not nasty side appears

Following.

I had two and a half years of counselling to deal with mine. Worked wonders.

Go NC. Get some counselling. Sorry you are going through this.

Mine would treat me like shit then message inviting me for coffee or lunch as if nothing had happened.
I went very low contact as she and XH were absolutely vile to me and about me (and people believed them).
She died suddenly and it was such a relief.
It's been 10 years now and I've never been happier to have all the stress removed- and I've still to shed a tear.

I have narcissistic parents, they would say awful things /cause lots of drama and then sweep it under the rug with a casual phone call the next day as if nothing had happened. Since they never initiated calls otherwise, it was clear this was a calculated power move. I spent years going along with their behaviour, and feeling guilty if I pulled away, but I finally had to go no contact for my own wellbeing.

My eyes were opened to the fact that I have a narcissistic mother years ago, but I still struggle with accepting that I grew up with such a ‘role model’ in my life, and I am conflicted because I do love her as my mum- but she is so controlling of all family members, has opinions on absolutely everything, and is highly critical/ judgmental of everyone. It’s not just me she treats like this. But I feel like I am the only one in the family to realise how covertly narcissistic her behaviour is (after having been involved in a very toxic relationship which ended a few years ago with a narcissist). I recently became a mother myself and am painfully aware of how I don’t want to be like my mother with my own child. My mother was raised by a narcissistic mother, so I fear the ‘cycle’ could repeat across generations. I try so hard not to mimick her behaviour. Painfully so, to the point where I am hyper aware of every single thing I say/do to my child, which is very tiring. She also wants to be present in my child’s life. Thinking back, my (narcissistic) grandmother behaved very differently with me than with my mother (her daughter), she would be generous with me but harsh with her daughter. So maybe she could be a sweet grandmother to my child? It doesn’t take away the anger I feel towards her on a regular basis (which arguably gives her a lot of power over my life) for constantly making comments on how I raise my child and how my house is messy. She always had nannies helping her take care of her children- so it’s a bit rich for her to be commenting on the state of my house when she had constant help at her beck and call! Very conflicted as to what to do- I don’t want to cut her out, and want her to be somewhat present in my child’s life- but her constant commenting and harsh critical/judgmental nature (gets worse with age) really grinds my gears. I wish I could let this stuff go more easily, but she can very easily push my buttons!!

This. Best years of my life when I went NC.