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Cheating Husband

3 replies

milanandrome · Yesterday 22:16

I recently found out that my husband had cheated me on me, well I always had my suspicions but I didn’t want to believe it and plus there wasn’t any proof.

He hasn’t shown much remorse, it’s almost as if he is shifting the blame on me, he said that he didn’t feel loved or even liked by me, that’s why he did it.

I am a very affectionate person towards him and our three children, he said that he is sorry and did feel guilty afterwards and said it wouldn’t happen again.

I will not ever be taking him back, I know my worth as a woman, finding out about it has taken it’s toll on my mental health, but I am coping the best I can, and if I were to take him back, I would always be on edge thinking that he is still doing it, and I don’t feel as if I could go through having any form of intimacy with him.

Upon finding out, I told him he must leave, he said that’s fine as long as he can take the children with him because he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving them behind and he doesn’t trust me.

Eventually he did go, but said he would be back to see the children everyday, I told our eldest child that his dad will be going to live somewhere else, but he will still see him most days, he just said ok and seemed very unbothered, our two younger children are too young to understand.

He kept his word and did come and see the children everyday, he was waiting for me at our sons school this afternoon, which he doesn’t usually do, I found this quiet odd but I didn’t question it, it has got to the stage where I don’t even want him around me, as horrible as it sounds, I feel sick and irritate every time I am around him.

This evening he decided that he wasn’t going to leave, apparently he just wants his family back and will do whatever he can to make it right with me, he can never ever make it right. Now he is refusing to leave the house, I have told him that he needs to leave, because him being here is stressing me out, he has no consideration for me or my feelings, he said that he is sleeping in the spare room, so what is the problem, and if I don’t want him here then I can leave.

I can’t function right now, this is why I’ve took to this site to let it all out.

I can’t speak to my closest friends about what has happened, because I am embarrassed, it would be very embarrassing to tell them that my husband has slept with someone else, one person that I have proof of, but it is probably several more.

I do not know what I want to get out of this thread, but I do feel a little bit better now I’ve spoken about it.

As anyone here been through the same thing?

I know that this is going to be a tough journey for me, I am already finding it very difficult to cope alone with the children, but I will do it.

OP posts:
Damnedidont · Yesterday 22:36

Sorry you are going through this. Firstly you have no cause to feel embarrassed. This is down to him. Secondly get a free consultation with a solicitor and find out your rights and get some advice. Wishing you all the best

whippersnapper55 · Yesterday 22:47

I'm so sorry, what a scummy shit he is 😔 please do confide in your closest friends, they will want to be there to support you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, he is the one who should be ashamed, you've done nothing wrong!

I would get an appointment with a solicitor and find out where you stand. Unfortunately, it's unlikely you will be able to make him leave if he doesn't want to. So he will either have to buy you out, or the house will have to be sold. I know it's scary but a move will be a new start for you and the children in a place where there are no memories of him. Take someone with you for support to the appointment if you can - and write down anything you want to ask as it can be hard to remember when you're stressed and upset.

Sending you big unmumsnetty hugs 🫂 you will get through this 💐

WilfredsPies · Yesterday 23:08

You might find it more helpful to get this moved to the Relationship board rather than chat. Different crowds and lots of people who’ll have gone through similar over there and will have the very best advice for you.

Do you own or rent? If owners, are you in a position to buy him out? Or will you need to force a sale of the house to afford to do that? If renters, whose name is on the tenancy agreement? Do you work?

Why doesn’t he trust you with the DC?

What’s stopping you from telling people? Bearing in mind that you might not be able to force him out of the house, but it’s not going to be very nice for him if his entire family and all your mutual friends are judging him for what he’s done and how he’s now forcing you to share a home with him.

Is he actually making an effort to get you back? Or has he just announced he’s not leaving, he’ll continue with the marriage if you want to but if you want to go, then you’ll have to leave? It sounds like his reason for coming back might be financial more than anything. You need legal advice before anything else.

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