How long do you spend 1:1 with your kids on a daily basis?

[OvenDoorClosed]

I have 3 kids. On a typical weekday I see them in the morning - two I have time for a hug and morning greeting/have a good day etc before they set off independently to school, the other I have a bit longer because I have to drive him to and from school still so have a bit of a chat then each way.

When they get home they tend to get their homework done and then we eat tea at the table and chat - probably around 20-30 mins.

Then they go off to hang or play computer games in their room or watch TV in the snug.

Before bed we will watch a show together and I spend a few minutes saying goodnight to each one.

On weekends we usually do a longish walk one day, and watch a film, maybe do some shopping. They also spend a goodish amount of time hanging in their rooms and often eithet playing computer games or watching TV. Sometimes they go out with friends. But we always eat together at the table.

Someone is telling me that I should be spending 1 hour daily sitting and just talking with them - not doing any activity. This feels neither desirable nor practical to me, particularly on weekdays and I don’t see why chatting while walking or doing an activity at the weekend doesn’t count.

How long do others spend just chatting with their children while not doing other things?

I know that computers reduce the amount of boredom so probably reduce the downtime in which previous generations would probably have hung around while parent was cooking etc and talking? Should I ban computers during the week? But even in the 90s I spent a lot of time in my room listening to music or reading or whatever.

Bump?

I’m not sure kids find it easy to just sit and talk with nothing else going on. Talking while walking, driving, eating, playing, watching something etc is surely the best way anyway! They’ll relax and open up more. I think that’s madness.

Very similar OP!

Conversely I spend hours and hours (and hours and hours) a week with my mother, so she gets lots of 1:1 time with her child…

Ha - yes I spend a good amount of time talking to my mum.
Is this a uniquely modern child thing though? I wonder if we did talk to our family more when there was little to no tech available?

Ages?

Mine are 13 and almost 16 and very rarely will watch a show with me!

What about your partner if there is one?

I assumed by 1:1 time you mean alone individually with each one, but do you just mean with them? We are generally quite busy. I don’t think anyone just sits and talks to their kids for hours each day. Kids don’t operate like that and parenting isn’t a therapy session.

I’d say I’d spend at least an hour a day with my younger one (8), but it’s not doing nothing, it’s driving places and chatting in the car or having meals together or doing gardening or farm chores or before bed. My teen has a job and trains for a competitive sport, so I see less of her. We probably do more just chatting though when she is home, but not an hour a day.

I do have 1 to 1 time with each of them though, meals and days out without the other. I take them on weekends away and holidays individually. They are very different ages and we have animals at home, so often works well for Dh or I to take one away and the other stays home and then we switch next time. Dh takes them away hiking and wild camping quite often in the summer, couple times a month. So we do a lot 1 to 1 rather than just as a family unit. Day to day though, they are at school and activities and work and practice so it can be just in passing on a random Tuesday.

The only 1-1 time I see in there is you driving the youngest to school.

If i interpret your meaning of 1-1 as doing something with your kids I:
*eat breakfast with them on a school day (they don't get up early enough in the holidays)

• spend 5-10 mins individually with each child when I get home from work finding out about their day
• have dinner with both of them.
• drive DS1 places twice a week, and DS2 once a week. Plus the pair of them on a Sat morning.

Depending on what else is going on, we may spend time as a 4 or 3 or 2 on the weekend.

Very rarely watch TV together.

Not long at all. Have also read things that say you 'should' be aiming for a certain about of daily 1:1 time per child but it just doesn't feel feasible. We prioritise family time more, make sure we all sit together for at least one meal, do stories as a whole group of an evening, park run on the weekend, that sort of thing.

My youngest comes in for a cuddle with me most mornings so we have about 10-15 minutes together. New baby arriving soon so feel those days are numbered. The older one we tried for a while to give him a slightly later bedtime so we got some time together of an evening, it works when we have a decent book to read together but these days he finds reading a chapter a night excruciatingly slow and wants to read himself.

I aim more for reliable 1:1 time every week. Once a week they each have a club at school, individually, so the other one and I have about 1-1.5 hours together each time. That feels more manageable than time per day. Though again soon there will be a baby in tow so, it's not going to last.

Someone is telling me that I should be spending 1 hour daily sitting and just talking with them - not doing any activity.

I'm presuming this person doesn't have dc of their own ?

Mine are all adults now, but we were very much like you, and the posters who have replied so far.

No-one has the time, nor desire to sit staring at each other trying to think of things to say for an hour every day.

We always ate our evening meal together, so would all talk then, but 1:1 time tended to happen more when taking them too and from activities.

Mine all seem to have grown into good, sociable humans.

Someone is telling me that I should be spending 1 hour daily sitting and just talking with them - not doing any activity.

you are a parent of three kids.
Come on now… surely you aren’t that easily swayed?

I'll spend 15 minutes ish in the morning chatting to DD11 - DS9 enjoys some quiet before the school day starts
Then depending if DD is playing out or not we either have a 10 minute chat on the way home after she's finished school and she will pop in and out of any room I'm in for little chats here and there throughout the night. Probably about an hour all in all id say but scattered

DS9 - after school we spend a lot of time together, whether we are chatting or just doing our own thing in the same room.

Yes - sorry. By 1:1 I mean 1:1 or 1:2 or 1:3 I guess - time with me and one or more of them. I do spend small amounts of actual 1:1 daily but it’s not planned - just when one comes into the kitchen for a short chat or I visit one in their room to find out about their day or their game or whatever. And then a few minutes at bedtime.
you’re all making me feel better. I’m being made to feel like I’m raising moral delinquents because we don’t spend 1 hour just talking.
I guess maybe tech use is the issue - but that’s really a different question.

By whom?

very bizarre to have someone like this in your life