Help! I seem to have developped a crush on my boss

[mangoamango]

For as long as I've been working, I've had the occasional dream involving various colleagues, usually ones I've been working closely with at the time. Over the years, I've learnt to see it as my brain processing my relationship with the person in question and it has never caused a problem, even if some of the dreams have been a little bit raunchy. Until now...

I started a new job a few months ago and am working very closely with my N+1. About a month after I started, I had a dream about him but this time, the dream was utter filth! At the time, I didn't think anything of it but since then, from time to time, I'll be in a meeting or discussion with him and instead of concentrating on the subject at hand, my brain will be like "hey, do you remember that dream you had when he..." and I get completely distracted.

We get on well and have what I would call a close professional relationship. 90% of the time, I am in no way attracted to him but for that 10% when my brain decides to self-sabotage...hooo mama!

Any suggestions of things that I can do to get past this?

Try and consciously think about him doing something revolting in the hope it’ll stream into your subconscious and trigger a new dream that’ll mean you are utterly repulsed by the time you wake up? 😂

I mean you must've got over crushes at other times in your life, so I don't know what 'advice' you're looking for.

It'll fade away eventually just like all your teenage crushes did 🤷‍♂️

My teenage/young adult crushes are long behind me and I'm not sure that my strategy at the time, which was basically to just sleep with them and get it out of my system, is really applicable here.

Obviously I know that this is a frivolous question to be asking but thank you for taking time out of your day to reply

good idea. It can't be anything messy though because the first dream involved a shower...

I'm going to be shut in a windowless meeting room with him all afternoon so hopefully my brain will behave itself

Are either of you in a position to pursue romantic relations with each other or are you both taken?

Definitely not a possibility, for many reasons. I'm just going to have to cross my fingers and hope that my brain finds a new way to self-destruct soon so that I can actually participate in meetings again

I had a big crush on a younger colleague at work and I found as it couldn't go anywhere obvs the crush lasted a lot longer. Still find him attractive but I'm not a giddy wreck now when I see him and although occasionally he's in my dreams my brain seems to have finally processed it not to be romantic! We didn't really work together so I think that helped - although a year ago I would have definitely been delighted to be shut in a room with him all afternoon!

There is a theory that says that whenever we have dreams that involve other people, at the same time they are having the exact same dream about us.
Hope that helps with your meeting 🤣

Unsurprisingly, this thought is NOT helping. At. All. It is making me laugh though so thanks for that 😂

Ha. Oh I feel your pain. I had the same thing with my new boss and I can’t look at him without blushing at the things we got up to in my dream!! I don’t know what to suggest other than I hope the memory subsides 😂. Or maybe not …. 😉

I have a similar crush. It’s been two years and I still fancy the pants off of him!

We have these bands for our sunbeds. Use up way less luggage space than those chunky clips and don’t break.
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/397719938291?var=0&mkevt=1&mkcid=1&mkrid=710-53481-19255-0&campid=5338590836&toolid=10044&loc_physical_ms=41949&customid=a13b56b27bc6108909cc3c9a2afd190d&gclid=a13b56b27bc6108909cc3c9a2afd190d

I hope you're not suggesting i use them to tie myself to the chair so I don't jump him because, like the shower, that could just make the memories stronger 😂😂😂

OP I feel for you! I had a thing with my boss's boss and I don't recommend it for obvious reasons, so it's good you're actively trying not to pursue this. In the meantime try to think of him being awful in bed 😂

Find something about him you DON'T like. His opinion on something, a mannerism that's irritating etc.

And focus on that. I've found personality is a great way to rid yourself of crushes. One I had once, I thought he was a great guy til he started talking politics and his views were just repulsive.

Find something that turns you OFF.

anothernewname6789998212 That's a brilliant idea!

Maybe not washing his hands after a poo, wiping his snotty nose on a tablecloth when eating, whatever!

I once had a crush on my manager and we ended up “colleagues with benefits” for a year 🤦‍♀️ I have to say work became so interesting suddenly 😂 Good old days!!

I think I've managed to get a hold on this now! Yesterday afternoon started off rough. "Picturing" doesn't work for me as I have aphantasia so trying to imagine gives me, at best, just a fleeting flash of an image, whereas I was remembering the physical sensations from the dream, which were much stronger. Luckily, about half-way through the afternoon, he moved closer to look at something on my screen and I noticed that he smelt wrong. Not bad, just "wrong", I don't know how to describe it but it was enough to get me back on track and think about something other than pulling him into the staff showers. Fingers crossed I can go back to behaving like the 44 year-old woman I am instead of like a horny 19 year-old

I find the best way to deal with an inappropriate crush is to get to know the person really well. Talk about likes, dislikes, politics, hobbies, dreams, ambitions and so on, I can guarantee something he says will make you think ewwwwwwww.

In these kinds of relationships (a professional one between opposite sexes) the emphasis is often and unfairly on the woman as the nuances of how it unfolds. In a business setting you have to be even more circumspect than if he was a neighbour or hobby acquaintance. In other words you set the tone.

When I was a mature student at uni I was much the same age group as most of the lecturers. So I had a different type of relationship with them than did the other undergraduates or postgrads. There were age and social similarieies which led to my becoming a drinking buddy with a group of the male academics. I was strongly attracted to one of them who was a close friend of my PhD supervisor. I went to see him in hospital when he had an operation and bought him a book for his birthday. However the relationship never progressed beyond what would have been accepted between a lecturer and a postgrad. I have always found it easy to have non romantic friendships with men. However my head has always ruled my heart in that sense.

This happened to me too 😂

It is terrible when it happens. We had the most mind blowing sex in my dream.
The next day I am quite sure I blushed when I saw him. I never had any feelings or attraction towards him whatsoever, but then I just could not look at him the same way after that.

It was like I knew something about him that he didn't know about me ..

So I just put it to the back of my mind, never said a word to anyone about it, and we all just moved on eventually.