Do you ever get an impulse to run away? Have you ever given into it?

[HorsesForMorses]

When the daily grind feels too much and you're burned out and/or you just can't be arsed any more, do you ever feel an urge to just get a bus/train/plane/car to nowhere in particular, and sack off your responsibilities? Sometimes I'll be waiting for the bus to work and a National Express coach comes past with a destination 300 miles away and I get an impulse to board it with no plans for what I'd do at the other end. Do you ever feel the same? Have you ever given in to it? A friend of mine had a mini breakdown when she was pregnant with her second child and ran away to the city she used to live in. She didn't hide exactly, and was found after a couple of days. But I understand the impulse.

I remember after my third baby, my own health was shot to shit, but the baby was colic/CMPA and did nothing but cry 22 out of 24 hours and nothing I did helped.

I was in constant pain from a botched c-section, so sleep deprived, my self-esteem was non-existent and I just wanted to get away from it all. Having this baby felt like the worst mistake of my entire life.

I remember handing the baby to her dad (in fairness we were tag-teaming but both still utterly desperate) and went and locked myself in the bathroom.

I was too exhausted to actually come up with a rational plan - but I considered admitting myself to a psych ward, literally just getting in the car (when I couldn’t walk properly let alone drive) and seeing where I ended up. To doing something stupid in the bathroom.

If anyone had presented me with an “out” or even a half-baked plan to get away from it all I would have bitten their hand off.

I didn’t, I stayed put and things improved but that’s probably the closest I’ve ever come to genuinely acting on those kinds of thoughts.

Suffering with severe post natal depression I considered running away my baby would not stop crying , I did consider leaving him outside a shop or having him adopted but slowly I turned a corner , was so bloody hard . Even now years later I can still remember how bleak and overwhelmed I felt and I’m not sure I ever really bonded with the baby , which is shame ,

Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you both had such a tough time. When I had PND after my second baby, I felt like running away but taking my first child with me. I still feel guilty about not bonding with DC2 immediately and they're an adult now and we have a great bond.

Read Ann Tyler’s Ladder of the Years for a story about the consequences of walking away from your life!

Yep, frequently.
Better Plan it though.. so you get the anticipation .
Book somewhere.. no need to be fancy, Premier Inn is fine.
Take book and wine and lovely food.. bread, cheese and wine is fine.
I think women should do this every 6 months!

I think I considered doing just enough to be sent to prison for a rest.

I keep thinking that. No responsibity, told when to eat, exercise, sleep. Read books most of the day. Perfect.

Maybe there's a gap for a low budget retreat.

When I had a mental health crisis I did have the police out looking for me after I ran away. Don't particularly wish to have to sit in the back of a police car being taken to hospital again. When they found me they took me to the house to pick up some things to take to the hospital but I wasn't allowed out the car to get them myself they had to go and look for them. Very humiliating.
Going on a planned retreat would be a much better idea.

I did once, but only from dds. They were maybe 10 and 13, and were driving me mad, semi play fighting, making so much noise - and the dog was joining in, barking non stop.
I begged them to stop, but they just wouldn’t listen. Dh was away for work, but I didn’t care - I was up to here. I got in the car and drove for over 2 hours to a friend I hadn’t seen for ages. When she opened the door I said, ‘I’ve run away from my kids - can I stay the night?’

Had a great evening, 🍷🍷, drove back next day.
I’ve never once regretted it.
Dds were fine, BTW - but it certainly gave them a shock!

Yep all the time until I started on HRT which has been such a mood booster I don't get those feelings anymore.

I think it's a normal feeling for anyone in those moments of extreme stress. It's no different from fantasizing about winning the lottery. It's that 'another word, another life' would be better and easier.

Sad thing about running away is that you still have all the same problems except now you are in another place, still worrying about them.

Yes, when I was deeply unhappy in a job. I used to look at a plane tracking app and used to see what the longest flight taking off was and dream of being on it escaping from everything. I planned the books I would read, the snacks I would bring and the movies I would watch.

I have gone away a few times and just checked into a hotel in a random small town with no plans. Books, downloaded movies and a walk-around the local shops. I don't have kids so it is much much easier.

Yep. After I had my second I had all of my bags packed ready to go. I was planning on going to Manchester Piccadilly and just getting the train that would take me the furthest away. I was at home alone with my two month old daughter, DH wasn’t going to be back for hours so anything could have happened to her if I’d gone. Thank GOD my parents dropped round in that very moment to check in on us. I was diagnosed with PND the day after and and post natal psychosis a couple of weeks later. It took me over a year to recover

Constantly!
Sometimes when I am falling asleep I plan my "grab bag" where my passport, burner phone and backup bank account will all be ready for me to leave at a moment's notice. I will hop on a train to Scotland, leave my actual phone on the train headed to Inverness as a decoy while I hop off somewhere and go to Manchester airport and catch a flight to Italy.
I will live out my days in a small village eating olives, reading books and taking daily swims.
I am usually asleep quite early on in the fantasy but that's the gist.

Occasionally, I just stay in Inverness.

Think about doing it regularly but never actually gone through with it!

I spent a lot of time in hospital in recent years and actually miss it 😅

Meals brought to you, hours with books and Netflix. Utter bliss 😉

I've thought about it on and off frequently... since my early teens, usually when I was very stressed (e.g. a mixture of bullying, abuse and family pressure to be what they wanted me to be... i.e. their version of normal, which I failed at most of the time). These days, having moved far away from my family and where I grew up, it is usually a mixture of anxiety and work-related stress. It would be lovely just to drop everything and go, and not tell anyone where I was going.

Somewhat worryingly, if everything falls into place, I have it all planned out...