I hate my life

[FluffyPinkSocks]

I hate my life. I hate how it’s turned out. I feel trapped. I hate that I was born to 2 horrible people, thankfully one is dead and the other is NC (my choice) I hate the fact that my family ( husband and children (whom I love) are all neurodiverse. I hate that I will always have to be a carer, rather than a parent whose child has grown up, moved on, met someone etc. I hate that I can’t have a holiday, can’t go away for a weekend even. I hate that I have no one who can jump in and help out. I’m angry that this is my life. It’s not a pity party, it’s reality and it’s shit. I do try to look on the bright side but there are days when I am done, today is one of them. I wish I could just walk out the door and not come back but my conscience is too strong. Life is shit.

Oh that’s sounds really tough.
I hope I don’t sound rude but could you tell us more about their neurodiversity.
I only ask because my dd is ND as is my granddaughter. My daughter manages to hold down a full time job but her daughter is really struggling with life and supporting them is really hard.
would your husband be able to manage an hour or two with your child so you could at least get out and have a bit of you time.

That sounds very hard op, first of all are you getting all the benefits you should be, dla and pip for the family you care for and carers allowance for you? Council tax reduction, blue badge etc. What are you doing about self care. You have to put yourself first sometimes and concentrate on yourself, food, exercise a walk in nature, time to socialise for you regularly. I am sorry you had a difficult childhood, you are not alone. I have found the stately homes threads on here helpful and Susan forwards book about being the child of toxic parents.

You dont have to be a carer for your children for life. In fact it will be better for them if you pass the burden over to adult social care at a point which is right for you otherwise there will be a cliff edge when you eventually get too old to do it or you die.
My son is severely disabled and will never live independently and we are looking at him moving into some sort of supported living in his 20s