Has a life event shifted your perspective?

[lavenderscenteddrawerliners]

My middle child was diagnosed antenatally as having some sort of chromosomal anomaly, but couldn't be ascertained until after birth. Having a child with disabilities obviously shifted my perspective on not taking things for granted, celebrating small wins and how precious life is.

However, something much bigger had a much more profound effect. We lived a fairly standard MC life, privately rented a lovely house in a lovely area long term. The LL dropped the "we need to sell" bombshell out of the blue and life feels like it completely changed. We've changed accommodation five times in two years now, and have just got a SH apartment (which I'm so grateful for). Coming to terms with ideas that I once held being false or at the very least very short sighted has been quite gutting in a way. A few examples:

having less money shouldn't be a problem, you just need to budget accordingly. I'm mortified about this now!

It doesn't matter where you live, as long as you are safe. Wrong again, living in an overcrowded house with paper thin walls can be unbearable. Your living conditions really has an impact on your mental health

being poor doesn't mean you shouldn't eat well I'm a good cook, very good at budgeting etc but it's incredible how low mood makes even basic tasks such as chopping an onion overwhelming at times. I've eaten so many takeaways because I often can't muster up the willpower to cook. I then in turn crave junk food, kebabs and even energy drinks now 😳 My health has definitely deteriorated.

all children in UK have the same chance at life. My neighbours swear at their kids in normal conversation, kids don't seem to leave their houses much (even if parent has a car) and spend majority of their time on screens/Xbox (I can hear through the walls/open windows very clearly)

exercise. It hit me hard that when you're surrounded by ugly grey houses/buildings that walking for leisure is not appealing at all. Seeing plants/grass in gardens has such a profound effect on mental health and when that is removed it almost starves your brain from feel good chemicals.

hard work doesn't always pay off in the sense that it doesn't always mean progression or working your way up the ladder. It's not a case of 'you can be anything you want in life', for so many, that's only a dream, so there's no point.

These are only a few examples and I say all the above from a very privileged position still.

I’m confused. If you could afford to privately rent a lovely house in a lovely area you would not be eligible for social housing on the basis of income. Has something else happened to reduce income? Or do you mean that your low income previously allowed you to rent a nice home but the current options are poor?

DH longest time friend passed away suddenly 2 years ago, we now really ensure to live for the moment - the friend was in his mid 30's, no life insurance as didn't think they'd need it, no kids yet as had plenty of time. Left a widow pretty much with nothing. Now we see it's not all about having these long term savings and money in the bank, it's the experiences of life that we can currently afford to give our kids while the bills are paid. We have enough in the bank to see through a few months if we needed it but otherwise we are living life, weekends away at the drop of a hat, hop in the car and camp for a sunny 2 nights near the beach. We've stopped overthinking everything so much.

Our LL was very decent and never increased the rent in 10 years. So the only reason we could continue to afford the nice area was because the rent was not in line with market value. DH had a heart attack which caused some lasting health issues so he was on the sick for 9 months, then stayed at home to look after ds2, who was absent a lot from school due to illness. So when the LL was selling and we were looking for rentals, the market had gone mad and the cheapest house we found was twice what we had been previously paying. When that LL told us after 6 months that he was selling up, we couldn't find anything and the LA granted us homeless status, which is how we became eligible for SH.

Sorry about your friend 💐

My husband died young leaving me with a toddler. It really made me appreciate life and try to live it to the fullest.

My Dad had a stroke at 54. He survived but all my parents plans (for retirement) were blown out of the water in seconds as he was left quite disabled.

It's absolutely cemented a view that health is true wealth and life is to be enjoyed. I lost some weight, got into fitness and running and am definitely more resilient to minor disasters - if we're all safe, if were all healthy, we're fine.

But I think about it a lot now I'm in my late 40's.

Being diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. Luckily that was over 10 years ago, but I know several women younger than me who weren't so fortunate and have since passed away from the same cancer.

It's made me realise that our lives can change dramatically from one day to the next and that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I enjoy my life and feel grateful to have been given a second chance.

Nothing as serious as what has been mentioned before, but being an expat on a non-transferable visa and being trapped in a job I hate has made me appreciate how fantastic it was living and working in a country where you are a citizen. Just being able to quit and take a breather - not necessarily walk into a great new job - is SUCH a privilege.

My DM was killed in a car accident aged 69. My DF had already died years earlier at 54. DH and I are retiring this year at 55 and starting to spend and travel. Life is for living.

A few things, I think the biggest was DH struggling to find work after being made redundant in the 2007 crash. He was 30 I was 28 and we had never before been in the position of not being able to easily get a job, we hadn’t imagined that we’d ever be unemployed and yet here we were with a small baby and no income, I was on maternity leave. We had also never budgeted and had debt. Never ever again will we be in debt beyond our mortgage or not have any savings. We were very naive.

17 years ago I was diagnosed with lung cancer. At the time, only 13 of the 100+ diagnosed each week survived.

Being one of the lucky 13, I decided that, given I'd also taken early retirement, I would only do those things that made me happy. Sometimes it involves somethings I don't really want to do, but will make those I love happy, so that works as well.

Surprisingly rather than make me more selfish, it's actually had the opposite effect.

I give more money to charity than I ever did, because it eases my conscience as at least I can think that I'm doing what I can, albeit only a little. I'm generally much less short with people when I think they're not doing their job adequately, now I think they may be doing their best. I listen to friends and family much closer than I did and so I'm able to pick up on signals that things aren't going well with them, so our relationships have flourished.

But mainly, I think, I've come to terms with my mortality. I recall thinking at the time I was given the all clear "if they tell me cancer is back, I'll say ok, thank. It's been a hoot". I still feel like that now. I've had a great time, by and large.

DH had a bleed on the brain and emergency neurosurgery. The outcome could have been death or long term disability. Fortunately he came through it. It really shook our foundations though (but prompted us to get married !). Then I had a cancer diagnosis which fortunately was cured with surgery. We really try to live life to the full now.

I have severe rheumatoid arthritis 40 plus years. My brother has helped me these last years, along with cleaner, gardener etc. He's always been fit, biked, walked, ate well. He was diagnosed with Parkinsons in January but after a fast deterioration a rare condition PSP was diagnosed, no treatment available, we had not heard of it and five weeks later he has died and I watched him deteriorate even more. I'm so sad for him and so admire his resilience and acceptance and how he kept his humour, and now I grieve, and will have to build a new life. The world is cruel.

A couple of things -

DS2 being diagnosed at 5 with a brain tumour and needing chemotherapy. Really changed our outlook on life, saw behaviours in people which wasn’t pleasant and made us realise that we just needed to make decisions that worked for our little family, instead of running around after others.

A few years later I also had MH struggles and had periods of suicidal ideation. I’m much much better now, but it really did make me realise how fragile life can be

All the big events have changed my perspective.
Becoming a mum meant I had a dependent to think of
Losing both of my parents has made me embrace life more, even the iffy bits
My now ex husband having an affair makes me less trusting of people and less naive.
The things that happen to us, big and small, shape us into who we are whether we consciously notice that or not because the brain goes to what it knows (if that makes sense!)

That’s awful @JenniferandJuniper I feel for you. Losing your DB so quickly and tragically is shocking in itself, but now you have to face the future without his support.

Brexit completely shifted the way I see politics and the formation/dispersion of culture. I was primed for it as I'd just done a politics degree. But it opened my eyes to how much a huge chunk of society had been sidelined, muted and ignored. I look at political activism completely differently now.