Are engagement presents a thing?

[AgentPidge]

DS has got engaged to his girlfriend. They came round to tell us and we were thrilled for them. But it's just dawned on me - am I supposed to buy them a present? If so, what? I don't know the etiquette here. Thanks.

Engagement is just cringe. You marry or you don't but why have an engagement?

No, just a card. Only at parties do you give a present. If you want to though that's nice. Xxx

Engagement has been around forever, not cringe like baby showers and gender reveals etc. It's actually exciting and romantic, showing a commitment to plan to marry.

Next door neighbour? No. Jane in accounts? No. Your son???? Strong yes.

No, but cards are.

No

Hmm. Seems polarised!

It's not an expected thing. When we got engaged over 20 years ago we did get some from family and family friends as we held a sort of informal engagement party (where we didn't ask for or expect presents), but I don't think we'd have had any but for that.

We bought our Dds champagne and a card. They had parties and some people gave them money and vouchers which was kind.

Champagne / their favourite drink and a card/flowers.

Maybe take them out for a meal, and a small trinket gift.

Just depends on your circle I think.

Reading the post above from an Australian - I’m also in Australia and haven’t been to an engagement party for more than twenty years. They were only held by people who didn’t live together and so it was a big deal and did involve presents to kit out a home. I assume they still happen in eg Pentecostal circles where people don’t live together. But in my circles, no not for decades. As it happens we didn’t live together but still didn’t have an engagement party because it was just not really a thing anymore.

I think taking them to dinner and discussing the wedding and how you can help them (if you can) would be nice. I can also see it would be nice to give them something they can keep. This is one where you can set your own traditions I think.

If it were DD, I would buy a bottle of bubbly and chocolates, or suggest something celebratory with them, oh and a card.

We combined my 18th birthday party with our engagement party and we got lots of presents, this was back in the early 80’s!

I don't think they are anymore. Years ago they were because people hadn't already set up a home so a present was given for the couples 'bottom drawer'. Today it's very unusual for a couple to get engaged if they are not already living together.
As it's your son perhaps treat them to a celebratory meal or something like that?

No. But for someone close to me, like a goodchild, I would send flowers and/or a card.

It's a bit like Christmas though re cards - I don't send my family cards if I'm going to be with them. But if it was my DS getting engaged and he was living a long way away, and he told me over the phone, I'd send a card. But they came round and told us, so it feels weird sending a card.

My Mum got an Ironing Board as an engagement present. It lasted her until the end of her days. I remember someone having an Engagement Party complete with gifts and it felt really awkward (1990s). I don't remember having gifts other than things like chocolates, champagne and flowers. My engagement was originally secret so by the time we announced it officially it seemed crazy to have a party or gifts as it was exactly a year to our wedding by then.

I think this is a bit strange. But presumably you would give a card to him on his birthday even if you saw him face to face on or near the day? An engagement card also gives you the opportunity to write a few words about how delighted you are etc( assuming you are!).

When my children both got engaged I gave them a set of crystal champagne glasses and a bottle of champagne,and we went out for a meal, they didn't have parties. I'd already given them money towards house deposit and would pay about half their wedding costs.

Hey 👋.
My daughter got engaged a month ago .
They were in Thailand travelling at the time .
When they came home , they had an engagement party & everyone bought gifts .
I bought them a hotel night away .
They received vouchers for all different types of stores, flowers , champagne, dinner vouchers .
Friends went in on hotel night away .
Hope that helps ☺️

It used to be something for the bottom drawer. My uncle got me a lovely silver candle stick for my engagement to ex that in treasure and my mum got me some heart shaped tea spoons that are so cute. A lovely idea is a little Blackboard sign where they fill in the number of days until their wedding /until they are mr and Mrs. I do this for pregnancy pressies too. It’s fun and sweet and not expensive, can get on Etsy.

If you have the budget offering to host an engagement party eg drinks and bbq in your garden or the first round or food buffet in a pub would be lovely, especially if you’re not paying for wedding, gives you a chance to get to know other sides family and friends better

Yes, you're right about the birthday card and present. Thanks.

My mum would, but she does that for every possible occasion. I wouldn't. I think apart from my mum one friend gave me a couple of wine glasses, but I didn't expect a thing. We did throw a party though.

No. Go out for a celebratory dinner perhaps, but no present