Not interested in my mothers funeral/resting place.

[Rainydays26]

I basically had no contact with my mother for many years. She was diagnosed with dementia just under 2 years ago I went to see her because my sister pushed me to go. I felt nothing in the sense didn't feel like she was my mother.

She died a roughly 6 weeks ago. I made some bullshit excuse about why I couldn't go to the funeral.

Now recently my sister is going on about the ashes. Suggesting I have some and I can get them added to a jewelry or paper weight. Offering me speech/poem things and a photo of my mother. Then she told me she recently went to the cemetery to lay flowers. Started asking if I will go. I said no and she seemed quite pissed of with me.

I won't do it but sometimes I want to point out that i never had a relationship with her and had to hear about her and my mother playing happy families. Hear about fun times get togthers visits, holidays. Relationships with the grandchildren.

Just a bit of a rant really.

Why cant you say what you said in your final paragraph, you say you 'wont do it' - why not?

Its just factual and nothing you're particularly interested in right now so dont want anything to do with it?

Making her into a paperweight might be quite symbolic.

A heavy burden that you’re stuck with for weird sentimental reasons.

I’m NC with my parents. I’d feel the same way.

Why can't you tell your sister how you feel?

I suppose I'm lucky to mostly have a good relationship with my sister and we both have had very similar experiences with our parents as they never showed favourites.

Your sister is being insensitive tbh, you need to tell her to leave it alone 😔

Why can't you say something to your sister? If you don't you can pretty much guarantee that her behaviour will continue.

I do sympathise though. I am NC with my mother and it is so hard to fully internalise the concept that I have my reasons for being NC and other people's opinions on those reasons are worthless.

The reason I won't say anything is because it gains nothing it could cause bad feelings. She's probably still grieving.
I don't see the point of letting it effect my relationship i do have with my sister.
I should think the things shes asking will eventually pass. Shes feeling a deeper feeling than I am. In my case its just pissing me if and feels a bit awkward.

I don't think it ever sank in with her that my mother and me never had a relationship.