DD Friendship Issues

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My 12 year old DD was in tears yesterday, she found out four of her friends had a sleepover then the next day went off shopping. She then tried to make plans with them for today but after she misread a message one of them posted, it ended up with a couple of them turning on her and being quite nasty.

Dd has told me that there has been a few times she has messaged the group to see if anyone wants to meet up and there's either no response or a 'no' from them, yet if someone else asks later that day then there are more positive responses.

She starts high school soon and I've told her that she should find her people soon but it's really hard on her and I've been feeling very down about it all today.

Anyone have any words of wisdom or positive stories?

That’s really sad for your poor dd. With social media etc I expect she found out through that. Are there any other girls she likes in the class , it sounds as though this group have been actively leaving her out. I have a dd in high school so we’ve been subject to this kind of behaviour on occasion. Often but not always there will be a ring leader who controls who goes to the sleepover or social occasion and the others daren’t question it for fear of them being excluded next time.
High school will certainly give her opportunities to widen her friendship circles . Nasty girls don’t change and you don’t want her confidence eroding because of it.
It’s often said on here, but having clubs or hobbies outside of school can be a lifesaver . Also , when she does go to high school, remaining in touch with any girls she does like who may go to other schools which will mean if any problems , that she can get away from the school crowd. It’s hard work having teenage, or almost teenage girls. Many are mean.

Aw sorry to hear this, your poor DD. I know it’s hard, but try not to let her see that you’re very upset by it too. You can affirm her feelings by saying it’s not very nice to leave her out, as well as them not being responsive to her messages. It builds up a picture of a group that’s not being very nice to her and I would want to steer her to other friends.

I agree it’s good to focus on a fresh start in high school and in the meantime, are there other girls at school she can mix with more? Any extra curriculars she can get involved in?

I think it’s a good lesson in not chasing after people who don’t treat you with the same level of respect or value a friendship as much as you do. Wishing her well.

I'd encourage her to step back and accept these people are not treating her like friends.

Can you facilitate any other friendships or take her to clubs instead?

Sounds like she is better to distance herself from the group. If there is anyone she likes better she could maybe try to just meet up with that person outside of the group?

Otherwise I'd suggest trying to form different friendships through different clubs etc, and definitely be open to new opportunities when she moves schools.

Hi thanks for the replies I really appreciate them. She does a club involving competitions with one of these girls and I noticed that DD wasn't hanging about with her quite as much during the last competition day and spent more time with another girl. I'm going to try and encourage that friendship over the summer.

High school offers a lot of extra curriculars so im hoping she finds new friends through that. Only one of these girls is in her new high school class but thankfully not one of the nastier ones.