Trauma - WARNING - Talk about SA

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I’m not entirely sure why I’m even writing this but I’m currently going through a police case against my ex partner over things he did to me…
im not dealing very well at all, I can’t understand why someone would do that to someone else. He convinced me for such a long time that it wasn’t wrong and that it was somehow my own fault…
im really struggling with the trauma, it came in so late. I don’t understand why my brain and body is reacting like this now so many years after, maybe it’s because I’m only just understanding what he did to me was wrong, it was a crime. How do you cope with knowing someone did something so horrible to you and your body while you slept.

I’m a therapist op. Are you in therapy?

it sounds as though you have been through a lot. The mind is brilliant at shelving things until you are in a safe space to take them out a bit and deal with them.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Past the shock, grief and anger, will come healing. Hang in there, it’s a bumpy ride but it gets better and take all the support and counselling that’s available.

I hope you have been offered that?
xx

I am currently waiting for counselling, I’ve been referred to the mental health team and I also have an IVSA during my police case. I’m just struggling to come to terms with it all and understanding what he did WAS wrong and not my fault at all. It’s horrible because he’s my children’s dad and because it took me so long to report it he still has to see the kids (I have full custody) so my partner still has to speak to him about the children which is making it harder. I can’t hear his voice without feeling my heart jump from my chest

he convinced me for such a long time that he didn’t do anything wrong or acted like it wasn’t an issue or acted nonchalant about it to a point where I felt that the feeling of violation was a bit dramatic and not understanding that what he had done was 100% wrong