Easy, low-cost ways to celebrate an adult birthday without pressure

[OneNewEagle]

For anyone who celebrates their birthday as an adult could you suggest some easy ways to celebrate please? My next one is rapidly approaching. I always used to look forward to my birthday but I’ve had a few years of truly awful days and weeks before and after mine. including what should have been a special 50th.

Last year I decided that I wouldn’t celebrate and it was still a disaster and I ended up very hurt and upset. I don’t want to have to feel like that again. Some years it feels like my birthday has been used as a weapon against me, I’d rather not go into all of the details.

So I just need some easy ideas where I won’t feel awful and my birthday depression won’t get any worse. Money is tight after some unexpected massive bills.

Sorry about the title the AI suggested it!

What do you want to do?
No cost options, watch your favourite films.
Go for a walk

Bit of cash
Cinema, drive to beach, get takeaway

Ah, sounds like you've had a tough time lately.

Birthdays are so emotionally charged sometimes, aren't they?

I like to do something but dont feel the need for an all out extravaganza!

If be happy with a walk and a pub lunch. Or mooch at a vintage furniture place and a fancy coffee and cake out or a meal at a restaurant in the evening..

Or a drive out and day out (with food. There's clearly a theme for me!).

I just want good vibes and some timeout. And to be fed.

What do you like to do in your free time generally? Who are your favourite people?

Do you have partner/children/ parents ? If yes do they live with you? Or would they travel to celebrate with you?

I live with my DP and adult DC.

My adult DC won’t be doing anything with me as signed off of work with stress at the moment. And if they weren’t it would be a work day.

I am very low contact with my parents and have virtually no contact with my siblings and their families. Apart from one parent none of them have ever been to my home.

I would just like to go back to when I used to see everyone on the day and have a nice time.

I have no idea what I want to do.

I’ve looked for local things happening like fetes but there’s none in my area on the day. I have a disability so that rules out a long walk unfortunately.

Bbq

Yes it’s the good vibes I’m after and each year I get negativity from everyone. It seems to be a different person every year causing a huge problem and I just can’t deal with it again.

I will be off of SM as I was last year to avoid the worst of it but last year some of the bad vibes came in the from of a letter of all things.

Oh I meant to say I am trying to turn things around. I’ve booked a weekend away for next year which I’ve never done before (before the massive bills). So hopefully no one will wreck that.

Can you afford to go to or get a mobile therapist to come to you for a massage?

I take a days leave and have a nice lunch and go to the movies. You could do that, but do an at home version. Buy something nice for lunch like a ready meal that you don’t have to cook, choose a movie and get some nice snacks.

Plus a short walk or just sit outside with a cup of tea and listen to the birds.

Or what about a trip to the library, get some nice books, afternoon tea in a cafe including a slice of cake.

We have done lunch in a nice cafe before. And cinema. Then tea made by dh followed by cake and pressies (so everyone is there for pressies)

I have the day off work and go out for lunch or theatre or an attraction with friends or family.
Last year I had a night away with two friends.
This year I’m having people round ( mainly family) in the afternoon.
MN is quite funny about adults celebrating their birthdays imo.

I would remind your nearest and dearest AND get a bit of cheering up by requesting only a card with a nice message from them.

Why are people spoiling your birthday? Intentionally or coincidentally?

Do you want to re-establish contact with your parents?

Why not suggest they meet you in pub or cafe for lunch?

DS bakes me something fiddly that takes 24 hours to prepare. If he can't be arsed he or one of my DDs will make scones. We will have an afternoon celebration (or early evening) with a cup of tea. That's it. I don't really see the need to mark the occasion otherwise. I might buy something for myself if I've been lusting after something in the shops. It's just another day.

I guess the question is -- why are birthdays important to you? What need is it meeting (or not meeting if you have been unhappy about it recent years)? And can you do that some other way / on another day so it isn't all loaded with meaning and expectation on your birthday?

Thank you for all the great replies. Lots of ideas so far.

I would buy myself a Mystery Agency game (they are made with Henry Lewis from The Goes Wrong crew), get DP and DC if they could face it - they are about £40

And spend the day solving that drinking coffee then maybe a cocktail

I wouldn’t cook, do any housework

Get your favourite ready meal and dessert bought in
Have a selection of easy foods to snack on in the day, fruit, breadsticks, houmous, olives etc
Music on
If it was warm and not breezy I would sit under shade in the garden if you have one

And if the extended family had a go at sabotaging it I would be prepared braced even, with a here we go what angle are they attacking with thus time (roll eyes so predictable so boring let’s hope they got a bit of nasty hit out of them yawn)

And just have a fabulous time at home playing armchair detective

My parents have been divorced for decades. One of them just got divorced from a step parent. I would absolutely love to see my parents regularly as others do but my relationship isn’t like that with either of them no matter how hard I have tried.

I live hundreds of miles from them and currently haven’t seen dad for over three years and I don’t know where he currently lives. And I saw my mum nearly two years ago. I have been excluded by siblings for her big birthday later this year for which I had already made plans which I have had to cancel so we will visit her in the autumn now.

The last time I saw a parent on my birthday was when I was in my late 20s so nearly 25years ago, they see siblings on their birthdays but I’m not on the important list. To spell it out in the best way I can neither will attend our wedding, so we haven’t married, so my birthday is definitely not a priority.

There are reasons like above and what they have done or not done on my last few birthdays that I stopped wanting to celebrate.

We should all celebrate we are allowed to have a special day once a year.

We never did Christmas like others do so our birthdays were the important day instead.

Absolutely. Our choice and it’s once a year.

I assume intentionally or selfishness .

Some examples from the last few years and more than a few on the same day would be

(non outing ones)
parent forgetting my 50th
parent going away on my birthday three years in a row
parent splitting up with their partner on my birthday and me spending five hours on the phone trying to find out where they are and if they are ok
having to ask a parent in law to leave our home
siblings deciding I no longer get a phone call on the day to speak to DN’s and DN’s
a bereavement
best friend cancelling on me
best friend being nasty to me (different year)
best friend ‘inviting’ me to something that would be impossible so as I said no then had a problem with me. Without making this one outing think I live in Wales, they live in Lancashire and invite was too their cottage in Scotland and I had to get myself there with two days notice….ie not a real invite. I did actually say yes please but not on the day but I have heard nothing since.

and the list goes on. I now switch my phone off the day before until the day after as otherwise I used to sit there hoping for a text. there are far worse things but I can’t get into them all so it’s like my birthday is a weapon used against me.

This year so far I have invited a friend for a girly weekend no response for ages then got a no they can’t travel then next week went abroad with a different friend. I realise she is no longer a friend as won’t come to me or meet me halfway. I’m processing this still as we were best friends for 40years. And my mum has been awful to me in relation to my birthday (can’t go into details) and made me cry.

I had a few birthdays when very broke, the most broke of all I celebrated by having an amazing long hot bath with a bath bomb and some great music playing, then a slice of lemon cake. I have to say the cake was made by Dh and ds so I was lucky there, but tbh I would have made it myself if I’d had to. I think we watched a movie afterwards.

Im sorry that all your relationships feel so difficult and distanced at the moment, that must be very hard. I would look around for a local group based on an interest or volunteer project of some kind, even the Women’s Institute or a church or similar, they may never become significant individual friends but sometimes it’s nice just to go somewhere where there are some friendly faces and a bit of chat. That sort of low key friendliness can make the world feel a bit more pleasant.

Thank you, I joined the WI a couple of years ago which has been great. I enjoy the speakers a lot.

i am now hoping someone in my household makes me a birthday cake that would be lovely and thoughtful. I did mention it a few months ago that that’s all I would like this year so hopefully someone listened to me. A slice of cake a cup of tea and a book.

with me it’s not the lack of money that’s the real problem, it’s the lack of people.

It sounds as if you’ve had some awful times on previous birthdays.
This year, be very clear about what you want to DP and DC:
” For my birthday on Tuesday I’d like a homemade cake, which of you guys can do that? If that’s not possible, you can buy a cake from x bakers, my favourite is chocolate. Then in the evening let’s go out for dinner to x restaurant/ pub, or if you prefer one of you can cook, I quite fancy chicken/ curry/ whatever. And if you haven’t thought of what to buy me for my present, here’s some suggestions/ links”.

hHinting is not going to work, OP, you must know that.
Think you need to raise your expectations all round. Your DC live with you but you seem to be saying that you can’t expect them to celebrate your birthday because they are suffering from stress. With respect, that is bollocks. You say you haven’t got married because your parents won’t come… they don’t have to come, do it for you and DP. I get the impression that you are not comfortable putting yourself first. If you are old enough to have adult DC, you are old enough to realise that this is your one life. Work out what you want and then do it. Start small if you have to, start thinking about what you do like. Whether that is a specific type of jam or a certain author, or a particular flower. Your wants and feelings do matter.
And let me say, if my own DC , 2 of whom have MH issues currently,were to ignore my birthday, they wouldn’t be living in my house any more. Your bar is too low if you accept them treating you like this.