Has anyone else lost their confidence at work during their 40s?

[bluebirdsandblueskies]

I’m 43 and over the past year or so I’ve completely lost confidence in myself at work.

I’ve always been quite conscientious, but now I seem to stress about absolutely everything. My job relies on checking things and paying attention to detail, and I’ve never really had a problem with that before. Lately though, I find myself checking and rechecking things repeatedly and still not feeling reassured.

I second-guess my abilities all the time and feel as though I’ve lost confidence in skills that I’ve had for years. Even when people are happy with my work, I still worry that I’ve missed something or made a mistake.

I’m also finding myself becoming much more obsessive and anxious generally, and it’s making work feel exhausting. I seem to worry about things far more than I used to and I don’t trust my own judgement anymore.

I’m seeing my GP tomorrow, but I’m wondering whether this could be related to hormones or perimenopause. I’m also a single parent and under quite a lot of stress at the moment, so I’m wondering whether it could be depression or anxiety instead. I do have OCD and struggle with intrusive, worrying thoughts, which doesn’t help.

Has anyone experienced something similar in their 40s? Was it perimenopause, stress, anxiety, depression, OCD, or a combination of things?

No I haven’t, if anything I’m feeling more comfortable and have just finished a course of coaching to take me further. I think you’re doing the right thing seeing your GP if the anxiety and second guessing are new. I hope it sorts itself out for you.

Yeah I think probably peri menopause but also the sheer amount of mental load we carry in our 40s

@Toomuchadminsyes I feel like my head is about to explode!

I did, I had a fantastic job but my 40s were awful personally, some huge bereavements, caring, single parent, menopause and took a step down to cope. I feel so much better now 10 years later but I’m too old now to be considered for promotion and everyone above me is younger.

@Candleabradid anything help? Like HRT?

Yes - HRT really helped. Plus time to recover from the bereavements and therapy.
I also did some professional qualifications that really got me back in the game. It’s just unfortunate that my industry values young and enthusiastic so much (if you’re not doing ultra marathons and working 16 hr days you’re not seen as ambitious enough). It’s definitely possible to feel loads better though so don’t be too disheartened. I think 40s for women is a tough decade.

Yes. For me I think the main cause was having a child in my late 30s... I used to keep on top of things by working after others had gone home but that's just not possible now. Plus she's (still) a terrible sleeper, so I'm exhausted. Plus emotional exhaustion from sorting out unwell parents. Plus probably the beginnings of peri menopause. And any "pretty privilege" I once had has well and truly gone!

I thought by this stage I'd really on top of things and confident at work but like you am constantly second guessing and double checking.

It feels like during the past 5/6 years I've gone from a bright young thing who's going places to a washed up non entity.

@HogletPatriciaare you me? I had my child late 30s, awful sleeper - I have to stay with them until they fall asleep in MY bed haha! Only was to get them to sleep through. I used to stay later to just get bits tidied up and have those quiet sense check moments! But I don’t get that time anymore.

after five years solo parenting I do try and do exercise five times a week but I have to do it at home. I feel being a parent has totally changed my life, I love my daughter but my life is just filled with financial and other stress and work well into the night and weekends (I’m freelance)

I think that my 40's were when I really started to make an impact.
I had always liked my work and was good at it but by my 40's I had an air of experience which continued to grow into my 50's when I took on more & more mentoring roles.
The older I got I was also unwilling to just accept the corporate BS and was far more willing to fight my case, usually very successfully as with my experience I usually knew exactly what I was talking about (unlike the new managers or graduates who thought they knew everything but actually knew very little).

Age can bring wisdom whilst also showing that there is more to life than work.

Yes I’m constantly overthinking and overwhelmed