Please help me navigate dating again as a lone parent?

[Backtodating]

So I'm a lone parent and dcs dad is not involved at all. He's quite young still and I'm cautiously trying to dip a toe back into the dating pool using OLD after a few years of being single.

Things I'm wondering - if you are/ were a lone parent and you were dating how often did you expect to see someone you were dating?

I have a few avenues for childcare outside of nursery but I try not to take the piss with it so I generally only ask for babysitting maybe once every month or two for a couple of hours. I probably could ask for more but I just feel guilty doing it unless I have a 'valid' reason (usually a work commitment or if I'm really ill to the point of vomiting which is rare.)

Second thing I'm wondering, how quickly do you give out your number or move to another social media platform? I generally keep my social media quite private and don't tend to give that out unless I've met someone in person especially as I've photos of my child on it but I'm wondering if this is not the norm now? Not that I'd do anything differently tbh but just wondering. I've been talking to a guy for a few days who seems nice, lots of good back and forth so I'm considering do i give him my number instead? I guess I can always block him later if need be?

I feel very rusty with dating (it's been over 10 years since I had a first date) and I'm aware it's probably a bit of a pointless exercise at this stage in life but I guess it's just more curiosity to push myself a bit and wanting to embrace that part of myself again.

I know there will be people thinking I should wait until ds turns 18 but that's many years off and I would expect things to move slowly and would never make introductions or have someone in my sons home.

Hopeful bump

Don't hide yourself away completely from dating. However....there are a lot of people out there who aren't very nice. All charming at first then after a while they show their true colours.
I wouldn't share my social media with anyone, especially if you have children.
Swap numbers but only when you feel comfortable doing so.
Always let someone know where you are going if you meet someone for a coffee/drink.
Just keep your wits about you and set your bullshit phaser to stun 🤣🤣
Good luck, there are some genuine people on these sites but also a lot of dodgy ones.

I read the burning haystack method before I got online dating. Found a lovely guy using it.

I had full time care of my ds from age 2 to now (17). I dated a single dad, and we'd go out once a fortnight, he'd cook Sunday lunch fairly often and I would take ds along, and he would come to mine one or two evenings a week and I'd cook supper.
That worked well until his dd turned 17, acquired a car and suddenly didn't need her dad anymore. At that point he wanted to travel, and I still had another eight years of ds being young, so we split.

Thanks all, I think I just need to be realistic about what I can make work. It's just hard not to feel guilty about using babysitting for dating. I always feel like I need a 'proper' reason to ask for babysitting and anything for myself isn't really a 'proper' reason unless it's friends getting together for something special. So I guess I was trying to figure out a mental idea of what's the norm in my situation.

Im in the same situation. Im not ready to date yet but following with interest for when I am! I have no idea how it will work as like you, i would never use babysitters/childcare just because and really dont want to waste my time meeting unsustainable people, which unfortunately is part and parcel with online dating!

Unsuitable not unsustainable*

How old are your DC?

Honestly, I stayed single just because it was too difficult to date.
I didn’t have any childcare options (apart from paid babysitters) and the men I met got frustrated that I couldn’t spend more time with them because I wouldn’t let them come to mine.

I also didn’t like the idea that my one night off was spent with a stranger and all a bit awkward, instead of with my friends etc.

You could look for someone who says they’re busy.
Some people have kids and a very active social life and hobbies etc and so they’re ideal.

If you can afford to pay a babysitter then that would be good because then you don’t feel like you’re taking the piss.

This is exactly what I found.

I was paying money for a babysitter, going on an awkward date, paying money for the date and travelling there and back and then finding out they’re married or something.
So I literally wasted my hard earned money on an idiot that could have been spent on myself or DC.

I wouldn’t say don’t do it.
But I found it difficult to juggle until they were older.

Ds is only 3 so still quite little. I do have family who could do childcare I just always feel guilty asking so I generally just use full time paid childcare and I'm with him 99.999% of the rest of the time. If i see friends etc we plan for things he can come to. I've only had two evenings out without him with friends in over a year. I always hoped my parents might ask to see him and enjoy seeing him if i didn't put any pressure on them to babysit but they never ask or suggest it so then I feel guilty when I do need to ask them and like I need to justify it. The sad thing is he's also a really easy pleased content wee guy.

I refuse to pay for babysitting in order to go on a date that could be essentially a bit of a waste of time as I don't have that much disposable income so I want to make sure it's used well!

Why not just try it.

Perhaps ask your parents to do it and then if it goes well then you can pay for a sitter.

If you can find someone close to work where you can meet at lunchtimes etc then that would be perfect.

Its so hard, as you'll also have to think about the other person's work schedule and the time they'll spend with their children etc.

Interestingly, I've been speaking with my friend as her dad was a lone parent and never, ever dated or left her and her brother. She says now, she wishes that he had, she wishes he'd dated, met someone, had more time out with friends etc, as she almost feels responsible for him, feels guilty when she leaves him to go travelling and she wishes he had more of a life of himself now and someone to share it with. I found that interesting as everything I've read on here is very con dating as a solo mum but it does make sense! She also felt it would have helped, having a healthy relationship modelled for her.

Did you meet someone @Jellox?

I totally get why people are worried about single mothers dating. But at the same time I kind of worry about how my son will develop a healthy idea of what a good solid relationship looks like if I can never model that for him. I know there's ways to help him with that and I'm very conscious of how I parent him.