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7 yo still has tantrums

6 replies

Havingaroughgo · 03/06/2026 19:20

Advise requested: my 7 yo still has tantrums. Mostly he’s a happy chappy but goodness he can rage. Often when tired or hungry but I’m wondering if it’s normal. He’s a very clever boy, does well in school, has friends. Has a 3 yo sister, they mostly get along well. But he can be quite stubborn and argumentative and a bit impulsive, and it’s like he gets locked into himself and can’t stop.

An example from today: he’s pestering his little sister, just annoying sibling stuff (pretending to snatch her toy, sticking his face in her face). She was tied and asked him to leave her alone. He did it again and she asked him again. I also asked him to spot, and said if he didn’t stop by the time I counted to three he’d not be able to do his Lego until after tea. I asked if he understood and he said yes. Well, all of two minutes later he sticks his face in his sisters face, she shouts no, and he smacks her on the knee. (Not hard enough to leave a mark but hard enough that she yelled ouch). I called him up on it and told him no Lego t after tea and he went absolutely mad. Screaming, crying, stlamming his fists on the table, kicked me several times and hit/smacked me several times. DH was WFH and was able to calm him down but took at least 30 min of active trying, soothing, hugging, etc. By the end I was just drained. And that was only me listening to most of it!

is this normal? It doesn’t happen every day, or even every week, maybe once or twice a month. He had a rough period at school a couple of years ago (teacher said he was quite distracted in school and not finishing his work, turned out two classmates were constantly annoying him) and we had him assessed for ADHD and ASD at the time, they couldn’t find anything that would indicate a diagnosis. But he seems to old for this behabiour.

OP posts:
FeelingSadToday1 · 03/06/2026 19:42

My son is the same. He will be 8 next month and will occasionally kick off big time in an angry rage. Afterwards, there will always be a reason that I can find.

I think it’s just big emotions but not the capacity to process them and he just explodes. He is always very apologetic afterwards and acknowledges his reaction is extreme. It’s tough though!

SpaceRaccoon · 03/06/2026 19:52

Why are you hugging him if he's just been kicking and hitting you?!

concertinacornflake · 03/06/2026 20:02

Strong uncontrolled emotion is not unusual at this age, emotions can be overwhelming to people of all ages.

But you are talking about a violent episode, not an emotional episode. The word tantrum is not helpful, it is meaningless.

An example from today: he’s pestering his little sister, just annoying sibling stuff (pretending to snatch her toy, sticking his face in her face). She was tied and asked him to leave her alone. He did it again and she asked him again. I also asked him to spot, and said if he didn’t stop by the time I counted to three he’d not be able to do his Lego until after tea. I asked if he understood and he said yes. What is going on here?

Should be:
he’s pestering his little sister, just annoying sibling stuff (pretending to snatch her toy, sticking his face in her face). The first time he did this I told him to stop immediately or leave the room. When he did it again I immediately took him out of the space

You are letting things go on too long, asking multiple times.

You can request a reassessment, but it would also make sense to try clearer boundaries and zero tolerance of violence.

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mindutopia · 03/06/2026 20:46

I hate to tell you, but they still have tantrums at 13 as well and they get far worse. 😂

But this sounds like an issue of managing behaviour in the home and between siblings, which is more a parenting issue than anything.

mumonthehill · 03/06/2026 20:51

Read A Volcano in My Tummy, it had good ways of understanding emotions and violence. You need consistency in approach and this book is good.

Didntask · 03/06/2026 20:52

Stop 'counting to 3'. It's absolute nonsense. 1 warning - 'dont do that again/stop that NOW or xxx will happen' and see it through. When he kicks off, tell him you not interested in what he has to say until he calms down.

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