Practical ways to cope when caring, parenting and working feel overwhelming

[Onebarbattery]

I feel as if I'm masquerading as an adult.

I’m currently caring for two elderly parents, attempting to single-parent Dd13 with ASN, and working 4 days a week (dropped a day as i really couldn't cope, but now worry about money as well). That’s on top of the ginormous heap of daily life admin that never seems to stop and all the perimenopausal symptoms that hrt just isnt really helping.

I feel I am stretched so thin I’m practically transparent and yet somehow tomorrow keeps happening anyway. Please, please, please give me your most practical advice on how to survive when you are completely overstretched. I'm just not sure i can do it any more.

For those of you pushed to your limit handling high-needs kids, aging parents, and employment without completely flatlining or rocking in a corner, how do you actually cope? What are your secret survival hacks? What is keeping you sane? (And please don't say yoga or a warm bath, unless that bath is filled with industrial-strength espresso and a side fix of chocolate.).

Changed user name as circs seem to be outing.

Not sure I can think of practical solutions but sending solidarity.
Similar position although DS14 not high needs and work part time, still struggling.

Your parents need careers and not to be relying on you.

Presumably they have physical carers? It’s carrying the mental load for so many people that’s stressful. Sorting carers is a job in itself.

They have had physical carers in past on discharge from hospital, but don't want anyone longer term. Ive said I simply can't do it all anymore. But yes, finding anyone to help out is so hard. None of local companies have availability.

It's not day to day care as they can prep meals etc, it's the cleaning, laundry, shopping, picking up prescriptions, ensuring they have all the right meds and don't run out, sorting out and ferrying to and from gp and hospital appointments. And worrying about them falling again.

I’d look for a cleaner who will do laundry as well first, take that off your shoulders.
Shopping- I make my mum give me a list and I add it to my own Asda order, but it is a weekly job to take it round and unpack.

Are you an only child? I am..

Could you arrange a weekly food delivery of the basics for them?

There are services tha6 can help with that sort of stuff. I'm in same boat you just keep plodding along

Ask the GP to get the prescriptions delivered; if there are a number each day, ask for a dosset box for each parent which renews the regular prescriptions without you having to request. Makes a huge difference.

If they have regular gp appointments, ask for those to be home visits. My MIL had her blood thinning tests etc done at home as she was classed as housebound, that’s again, a helpful classification.

Falls alarm if that’s an ongoing thing. There may be a team designated to investigate when the alarm goes, depends where you are, but it would mean that you are not the first call.

Look for housekeeping services rather than just cleaners. Find an agency and list what’s needed.

Hospital appointments, in my experience, remained an issue. Transport was a pain to organise, and a family member was useful to know what was said. But if you can’t do it, then push for transport / escorts.

Ask your parents to authorise that GP and / or Medics talk to you.

POA if you don’t have it. Bank access / joint accounts are also useful.

Insist on OT and Care assessments .

Do not feel guilty. You are doing a LOT and your own child is naturally going to be your priority.

Do Not Feel Guilty 💐

Dropping my standards massively.

House isn’t as tidy as I would like but it’s clean, decorating hasn’t been done for years, I don’t iron anything….

But I maintain my job and keep everyone well and fed, including our very high need ASD son.

Well @Dearg you definitely should get some sort of recognition yourself for this post. 🏆

I can only add in response to a PP regarding Carers; the maximum Social Services will provide in the person's own home is 4 x 15 minutes visits a day.

Food Delivery - I find Sainsbury's is the best. You can add a note yourself or call them to set up a 'usual routine' such as knocking loudly at the door and waiting and the delivery person will even unpack the shopping onto the kitchen countertop. You can also book the delivery slot to suit week by week. Small things that help a lot.

Eye Tests can be done at home.

A 'Falls pendant or wristband' is priceless in my opinion.

You need to look after yourself in order to look after someone else. Remember that.

Have you contacted Age Concern? They can provide paid services for these things.

Oh and for you, up the HRT.