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Advice needed with dsd

5 replies

helpwithreluctantteen · 03/06/2026 15:03

She is 17 soon, had another fall out with her mum and won’t stay here (she’s refused to for years as she says we live too far away and needs her friends, don’t ask, we’ve tried) her mum has kicked her out yet again, they don’t get on mainly because her mum is not a nice person, she’s been doing this since she was 13 and dsd has learnt to not need her. Only sees us for a limited time because she wants to stay at her bfs or friends houses, We’re basically begging her to come and live with us, she’s won’t go to college, wants a job which she isn’t really trying to get… doesn’t want to do the work that comes with college. We’re offering her a roof over her head, food in her belly, money for essentials, but she’s not having it, has contacted a charity for their help! Said she wants to live in a HMO with people her age, I just don’t get it? She could be housed with addicts all sorts in an absolute shithole ! We live an hour away by car from where she lives now. she could get the train to see her friends/they could come here, she can look for a job around here, or we can finally convince her to go to the local college but she just will not budge. What else can we do ?

OP posts:
tiramisugelato · 03/06/2026 16:19

I'm not really sure you can do anything. At 17, I wouldn't have wanted to move an hour away from my friends either - they don't see the big picture at that age.

helpwithreluctantteen · 03/06/2026 16:58

tiramisugelato · 03/06/2026 16:19

I'm not really sure you can do anything. At 17, I wouldn't have wanted to move an hour away from my friends either - they don't see the big picture at that age.

I do understand that side of it really I do, but to actively want to go and live in a hmo in a city?! Over a home with your family just seems mad. I think she thinks it’ll be great living on her own etc but it won’t be anything like what she thinks, not where we’re from !

OP posts:
tiramisugelato · 03/06/2026 17:12

helpwithreluctantteen · 03/06/2026 16:58

I do understand that side of it really I do, but to actively want to go and live in a hmo in a city?! Over a home with your family just seems mad. I think she thinks it’ll be great living on her own etc but it won’t be anything like what she thinks, not where we’re from !

Do you not remember being 17 and thinking you knew everything?

She sees it as living with her mates, having her independence and not being stuck with her dad and step-mum an hour away from all the fun.

You're bang on that it'll be nothing like she imagines but she needs to learn that for herself.

Tryingtobenormal124 · 03/06/2026 18:15

Agree with everyone. Best just let her deal with it her way. Just be ready to deal with the fall out which is inevitably going to come. She needs to learn from her own mistakes unfortunately. Hope it all works out for the best ❤️

UnbeatenMum · 03/06/2026 18:17

She needs a social worker and if she is refusing to live with either parent they may find a place in 16-18s supported accommodation for her. An HMO is not suitable at 16.

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