Friendship group with differing budgets - how to navigate

[hattie43]

We regularly socialise and generally people will put suggestions on WhatsApp and off we go , either for a meal , drinks or an event . So far this has worked well . Recently a couple of better off friends have gotten a bit bored and suggested new things like an expensive restaurant they wanted to try and another evening a play in London with tickets @ £185. Others have said they can’t afford it . People don’t want to split the group and separate off but others don’t want to be always going to cheap options .
How can this be navigated so that everyone is happy .

How big is the group , and why can't some of you split off sometimes? It is better to do that openly than to create a more permanent division surely?

For the play, you don’t need to sit together in the expensive seats. Maybe people pick their own seats and you can all meet up at the interval etc.

I don't see why people can't split up sometimes. And nicer to throw options out to the group instead of assuming who can and can't afford things. Really simple 'thinking of going to Hamilton in June, tickets look like they're around £200. just message me if you are interested in coming along' and then whoever wants can sort it out amongst themselves.

Splitting off is fine, why can’t people do that? Nobody can seriously expect a friend to pay for things they can’t afford, that pretty short sighted, so if everybody genuinely wants to keep the group together of course it has to be more budget friendly.

The group will split up. It’s the only possible answer.

The group is 6 so would be really noticeable if 2 or more weren’t there . Also it makes them seem a bit
‘ less than ‘ if others are going to events some can’t afford and we wouldn’t want to make anyone feel bad . I’m not sure what the answer is except maybe attend expensive events with other friends or family .

I have a friendship group of 4 with varying incomes, we have a fun fund! Pay £25 per month each into an account & then pull it out when we want to do something expensive! Maybe once or twice per year! We have upped it recently as we want to include some short breaks away for big birthdays! It builds up quickly & we’ve done really nice things over the years!

I differ a bit from above as if you value the friendship of the whole group then you go with a lower budget. I go away with friends every year and know some have less disposable income than me so hotel is chosen to endire they can afford it. I would rather spend time with them than have a posh hotel. I would hope that if my circumstances ever change they would feel the same.

I am in a similar sort of group of 8 people. We usually meet up once a month, either in someone's home to do something fairly cheap (such as cards, board games etc) or to go to a local theatre/restaurant/cinema etc. Then, throughout the year, people will post on the WhatsApp group if they have seen something that they think some of the group might like, with the link/cost made clear. People say yay or nay, and those interested have a separate chat about it. People may say "that's a bit pricey" but more usually "I don't fancy that." It works well, but we do have the regular activities to keep us together as a group.

There was an episode of Friends along these lines. Can’t remember how it ended, but Chandler, Ross and Monica were the Haves and Rachel, Joey and Phoebe the Have Nots.

can there be some give-and-take, eg do some affordable things and occasionally do something that is more expensive?

of that doesn’t work then I think it’s inevitable that people will splinter off to do the things they want to do. But that’s OK. The group doesn’t always have to do everything together surely

I still don't see why 2/3/4 people can go do whatever they like. Surely you don't all agree and are all available any time any of you want to go do anything?

I don’t get why you can’t split the group. Surely as long as everyone has the option to attend it’s down to choice? I wouldn’t go to a mega expensive anything as I don’t have a lot of spare money. Don’t mind if my friends go.

I have a friend with different budget situations than mine. It is tricky.
I openly said that money was an issue so I would rather meet up for coffee than for a dinner, so we do that. We do dinners but just less often than before. I also only do some of the theatre trips she suggested. She has another friend from her hobby so she “mixes and matches” us for outings which is good.
I do understand the problem. I would rather not go at all than pay for bad seats. However there is often a compromise. The problem with London outing or similar is that it’s not only tickets but other costs as well so it quickly adds up.
So yes the solution is to attend with other people.
added: I think splitting the group is a bad idea. It will look a bit mean. If you go out with completely different people it’s ok - we all have different groups of friends.

If people can’t afford it they can’t afford it … they aren’t able to compromise! If you want to get together you need to do things everyone can afford.

I get where you're coming from and the best option is to keep things within reasonable affordable range for the group activities but that doesn't mean you can't have other activities with your partner or other friends e.g. you can find another friend who is willing to go for the expensive theatre tickets and still have a good time with the group separately.

Having said that it also depends on the dynamics of the group, have you all set the precedence that you do things as a group? Will it lead to resentment and jealousy from some of the group that one person is going out with other friends? They shouldn't be but it all depends on how your group works.

The whole group do things at the lowest budget.

If 2 or 3 want to go to he theatre as well, they should just do that as well 'anyone fancy coming to this show with me'?

It’s fine to split off if some want to do expensive things and others can’t/don’t.

We have a group of 6 friends (3 couples). Sometimes the mums do stuff, sometimes it’s all 6, sometimes the boys, sometimes just 2 couples. Sometimes some of the kids are there, sometimes it’s two of the mums and their girls, sometimes it’s all of the dads plus their boys.

It’s good-people just go to what they want to.