Can I stop contact if my daughter refuses to see her dad?

[SparklySnail]

After advice.

Me and my daughters dad have never seen eye to eye since we split a year after she was born, but it's getting ridiculous now. My daughter never wants to see him, she cries and says the night before that she's going to be ill tomorrow so she doesn't have to go. Dad sees her twice a month. I have told dad about this, suggested he needs to see her more but he brushes it off saying the days we have arranged are what we'll be sticking to. He doesn't understand the harm it's doing and it's frustrating because I'm the one picking up the pieces. My final straw was a few weeks ago when he left our child on my doorstep. He was only in his car next to the house but it's irresponsible and crosses a line. What do I do? I don't even want my child going there anymore.

Do you have a court order?
How old is your child?

How old is she?

If she's old enough to be saying those things, then she's old enough to walk to the door herself with Dad waiting in the car so I'm not sure why that would be a final straw.

The important thing is trying to work out why she's not wanting to go. Is it separation anxiety? Is it the different routines? Is it that the environment isn't working for her e.g. he cooks her food she hates etc? Is it her relationship with Dad?

I’m guessing it’s the fact that her dad refuses to see her more than twice a month. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about her and that must come across as obvious. It must be like having to spend the day with a virtual stranger who doesn’t like you very much, not very pleasant for anyone, let alone a small child

Depends on your daughter’s age. My eldest starting refusing around age 9. I won’t force her - I encourage - but that’s it.

Who says she's small?

no court order, he is on birth certificate, she is 5 :(

daughter is 5 so it's just awful to think she's gonna pretend to be ill just to get out of seeing her dad.. she says she doesn't like going because he barely plays with her, is always focussed on his other child, but it's other things I've noticed like not having shoes or essentials at his house either, he only has a handful of toys for her to play with that are hers, she normally plays with the other child's toys.. its just sad to think about, she musn't feel very welcome at all, I know I wouldn't.. He demands to see her though which is the shit part because I'd never want her to grow up thinking she doesn't have a choice, if that makes sense?

I'd tell him she doesn't want to & why.

if he doesn't make it better for her so she wants to go.

id tell him to get a court order & hope he doesn't bother..